Trying to Change My Stinkin' Thinkin'

I Love Eckart Tolle and Byron Katie because they make me use my mind in ways I never thought possible.

Sometimes it actually hurts getting my brain around their concepts.  But, after listening to A New Earth, and watching Oprah's podcasts with Eckart, I totally "get" what he is saying.

I started listening to Byron Katie on Saturday, her book/tape - I Need Your Love - is that True?  I went out and bought - Loving What Is.  Man, I am trying to get all this inside me and start using it before I do or say something stupid to the ones I love.

I am still having so many issues with what I think is right and should happen, for instance how I want my mother to be and not to be, how my husband is such a disappointment and trying my patience to its end, I am frustrated and saddened by the way my daughter and son-in-law are raising my one granddaughter; and saddened that my other son-in-law and daughter are struggling financially. 

I am trying sooo hard to make it all good, but it just seems to be getting worse.

I am going away on vacation, I hope that Byron Katie's book and work will help me through.  I won't be able to keep so busy that I can ignore my problems with my husband.  God help the poor man.


Rrite Rrite
51-55, F
4 Responses Aug 13, 2009

Remember that the things you dwell upon will be what you attract. "They" want you to get out of your mind.

Hi all:<br />
Well, I studied a lot of spiritual, metaphysical, mystical stuff so all that Eckhart has to say was well known to me (theoretically) but then i finally had to go into emotional Recovery work at Adult Children of Alcoholics, Codependents Anonymous, Al-anon, ****** Survivors Anonymous, some AA, several 12 step groups and a lot of other psychological processes to find healing and final Happiness. Of the many things I looked into and tried, the 12 step support groups did me the most good and still do. I am not saying Eckhart's system or his enlightenment is not useful or important. It just did not and has not done my as much good as emotional work, affirmations, grief work (healing old memories and emotional wounds) and other non-mystical, spiritual processes. If I were having problems today with my wife or kids, I would either go to relationship books, google: relationships, get counseling or pull out my Codependency & 12 step literature and study that again plus my several copies of Eckhart's books and some other Enlightenment books that we have. Fortunately for us, we both did Recovery work and learned exactly how to make a good relationship way before we discovered Eckhart. Oddly, although we both are steeped in philosophical, spiritual and esoteric knowledge, non of that ever helped either of us make a good relationship in the past with different dysfunctional partners.<br />
I have come to the conclusion lately that some of us (me) may need everything we can lay our hands on to live a happy, useful life and that may include psychological as well as 'spirirtual' techniques, systems and methods. I was kicked off the Eckhart home forum for saying this because they took it as an assault on Eckhart's teachings and got really pissed at (or scared of) me. But I see no conflict with someone employing whatever system they find that will work. I guess the "Eckharties", like a lot of religious folks, see any deviation from their cherished dogmas as an attack on them and bitterly resent, even hate those who dare offer such deviations<br />
- like the Christians of old who burned "heretics".<br />
My latest 'find' is in the book: HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE by Barry Neil Kaufman in which he teaches us to choose happiness (enlightenment) and when it fades as it seems to with many of us, GET IT BACK - RIGHT NOW. This is working for me better than anything I have tried so far & I find myself able to stay in a good mood most of the time and, best when the mood turns sour, I can get out of it and back to happy RIGHT NOW. Being in THE NOW never made me happy in any significant way and did not pull me back out if and when I habitually left THE NOW. Barry's method does keep me in happiness almost all the time and saves me when I sink!<br />
<br />
IMO, if someone can find a way to be consistently happy, they will also have a very good attitude and consequently will be less inclined to entertain 'stinking thinking'. Barry teaches us to Be happy 1st, Be happy NOW. Then what follows may be much better, happier and less harmful or negative. A happy attitude will produce happy results. It's thought but happy thought. For me this is way more productive than "not thinking, fighting with my 'EGO', and struggling to stay in THE NOW."<br />
good luck,<br />

Rrite I totally get what you are saying. <br />
<br />
I read the Power of Now and have used it as a guide at times of troubles. But it is all so difficult when you are living in the world we live in to discard those habits of a lifetime and start to use your mind in a consistent, positive way. Perhaps you could introduce your husband to some of your knowledge if he is willing to learn. I had to acknowledge a profound discontentment and unhappiness with myself something I had ignored or blamed on others before reading the book..... with that came the acknowledgement of my choices I had made and also the responsibility I had for my own happiness and my own life.Event though I had always known I was responsible for myself, that was the way I was brought up but I had to accept I was not responsible for other's and their choices, as much as I wanted them to change the only person I could change was myself.

I didn't actually know anything of Byron Katie until now. Thanks everyone here. <br />
<br />
Trying hard/not trying are both forms of thinking, its so hard, giving up looking for what we are desperately seeking.