Lonely Effeminate Gay Longing For Love

I have always known that I am a soul trapped in the wrong body. The beginning of my life was a total mistake. I am all feminine but my body.

Since I was a kid, all my playmates were girls and sometimes I would try my mum's bra, my sis' nail lacquer without their knowing. I fantasised myself with handsome masculine men. I even read my sis' love novels and fantasised myself as the female protagonist.

In the schools, I was always a subject of ridicule due to my feminine way of thinking, speech and acts. Subject to pressure, I tried to conform to male schoolmates to no avail. Everything is so natural for me to be feminine. I do not realise something I do is feminine. I felt uncomfortable to be aware of and to restrict my actions. I do not feel myself as having connection with men with manly thinking thus do not feel like mingle with them. I feel myself more comfortable with female friends and not-so-sexist male friends. Thus it ended up I always appeared in typically female community and groups rather than male's. As a result, I always got taunted be it intentional or unintentional and I really do not feel good about it. I care about how people look at me and what people say about me. Therefore I always avoided to be with girls but more of them kept on entering my life. (I always think it is a bad karma on me where my life is often surrounded by females although I do not wish for it. Until now too, although always long for men to turn up in my life, but it is still women who are turning up. I can only attribute this to my aura which attracts female rather than male).

During my school time was the time my inferiority complex started to develop. Due to this "abnormality" (of being feminine) that I have, I always avoid people. I avoid to be around females but at the same time could not mingle with male friends. So all in all, I avoid basically everybody and always end up alone. I sort of developed psychological barrier in mixing with people. I always care how they feel about me. I can't even accept myself, how can I expect others to accept me for who I really am. Therefore all the time I am alone. At times I would feel lonely but those days occupied with activities I did not really feel anything wrong about it. At times too I enjoy being alone as this is the time I can really be myself. I always too imagined myself living alone until the last day of my life. This was how I thought until recently. I suddenly felt a strong urge to look for love and a life partner. Perhaps it is nature's calling for somebody of my age to start looking for a soulmate. I started to long for love and company from someone. I feel sour when I see couples around me. The problem is here. I can't love a woman but attracted to men. At this point, I feel myself very lonely and pity having no like-minded friends to talk about this and not the slightest idea whether I can and how to find someone who will love me and whom I can love. Will a man or a manly gay like feminine gay like me? Will I find my Mr. Right and how? Will I be able to find people who are like me or have the same experience to talk about this and be friends? I always cry, pray hard and ask these questions but to get no answers from anyone.

I am glad I found a platform here to express myself, to be my true self temporarily after suppressing for so long. For 20 something years, I have been keeping all these to myself. Now that I am currently working in Singapore, I really hope to have friends of the same kind to share my feelings and find my true love.

Will my dream come true or will it remain as hope?......
PlatonicLove11 PlatonicLove11
9 Responses Oct 9, 2011

Hey this is exactly what im going through. Can we please talk?! I really hope you will see this

Hi, sure thing ☺

Hey good morning... How's your day so far?

Hello, good afternoon. It's not too bad. Yours?

Do you mind if you drop me a message on Skype instead?

Haha... Sorry for the late reply... I don't work on Mondays and Fridays so I went on a shopping spree in JB with my aunt just now... I would love to chat with you on Skype but last I checked, you haven't accepted my invite... Hehe

Dreams to come true. Remember love choses you.

Thank you!

I'm a hairy muscled gay guy. I LOVE effeminate men, My dream is to find a male who identifies a female in the bedroom. Imagine what you want. Imagine your love has found you. He will come to you,

thanks :-)

Add a response...

I understand your situation, and send you my support. I am not a very butch gay man, who seeks truly gay men who are not masculine, but who are proud of their feminine side, and would love to be with someone to share whom they really are.
There is no reason why two fem guys can't have a fantastic life together!!

Thank you so much for your kind support. Appreciate it. Glad to hear that you like fem guys and hope you can find that someone soon!

I agree with your statement totally, very well said.

Hi PLatonic...how are you...i hope you are doing well...how's the journey?

Hi Shamaea, I am good. Yourself? The journey is not an easy one. Finding that someone is not easy either. How's yours coming along?

I too have the same experience I am already 25 years old currently living and working here in Dubai....but most of the guys here are looking for manly gay guy rather than be with effeminate gays like us... so sad! we at the bottom the at the least side of desirability..

we are at the bottom or at the least side of desirability..

Oh honey I think it is mostly true but I believe there are people out there who would love us as what we are. Or at least we love ourselves ^.-

You're young, sweetie. Lots of gays like feminine gays and you'll find one (or 27). I'm more bi but feminine as hell, too. If women like, I love it. I just repressed and now not going to. xoxo

Thank you so much! =)