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10 Disgusting “Foods” You Loved As A Kid

All y’all who grew up in the 70s and 80s: Remember all that crap you ate as a kid? How did we escape our childhoods without going retarded?

Before I proceed, let me just say: Sorry young'ins. I didn’t eat Gogurt or whatever it was you threw up throughout the 90s. I was growed up enough to know better.

I’m not talking candy or soda or frozen dinners -- which were the bomb, and which make me wonder how I ingested that stuff without losing a stomach, considering how much of it I ate.

I’m talking about:

Fish Sticks
Probably the least offensive of these foods, fish sticks still need to be called out because they’re called “fish sticks.” Say it out loud:

FISH.

STICKS.

I think I liked to eat this stuff because, for being fish, they didn’t have much fishy flavor -- indeed, they didn’t have any flavor beyond whatever white sauce my mom would serve out of a jar with them. But they were never my favorite! Not like...


Oscar Mayer Cheesedogs
Hotdogs are amazing, when they’re proper hotdogs.

Oscar Mayer hotdogs are tragic meat tubes constructed from demon seed and hate glue.

But even the manufacturers of these industrial sodium bombs must have shaken their heads at the prospect of serving up hotdogs filled with a yellow, salty paste which they hesitantly labeled “cheese.” Imagine their surprise and wonder when the numbers showed that children across the nation adored these travesties that mock the Natural Order.

Tasty!

McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets
You might not remember this, but before McDonald’s rolled out Chicken McNuggets, chicken was too hard for the tender little mouths of middle-class kids to eat.

I’ll always remember the glorious day when I first sunk my teeth through a chunk of gray and spongy McProtein Mass -- and I'll always remember my pride in being American, citizen of a country in which I possessed the freedom to choose dipping my jellified glob of chicken into honey mustard, barbeque or sweet-and-sour sauce.

Later, I threw up.


Spaghetti-Os
Writing the name of That Thing Which Is The Epitome Of All That Is Wrong With Canned Prepared Meals just made me vomit in my mouth a little.

The brain-like texture of the Os.

The sugary “tomato” sauce.

The tiny, tasteless sausage buttons swimming in said sauce.

What the hell was Chef Boyardee thinking? More importantly, how did I ever eat 10 cans of this stuff a week from ages 3 through 13?Yes, I did repeat first grade -- why do you ask?

 
Fruit Roll Ups
The first time I ate a fruit roll up, I realized there was nothing mankind couldn’t accomplish. We’d see flying cars and cities on the Moon by the time I was a teenager.

Mom didn’t like me eating candy, which is why she fed these things to me by the hour, not understanding that corn syrup (or dried corn syrup, for that matter) and sugar ain’t exactly “100% fruit.”

Hey mom, you know what’s 100% fruit? Fruit. Not that I would have eaten it...



Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
Remember that one kid in the commercials who kept asking why Kraft didn’t name it Cheese & Macaroni?  BECAUSE THE CHEESE WAS A COLORED SALT PRODUCT.

I always knew, in the back of my mind, that something was wrong with Kraft Mac & Cheese. Perhaps it started the first time I saw it transformed from food into a congealed waxy mass after sitting in a dish on the counter for an hour.

But I ate the hell out of the stuff anyway -- this was truly my favorite dish. 

I think the experience must have destroyed something precious in my head, because the first time I actually tried real macaroni and cheese -- you know, something with actual cheese in it -- I was all, yuck, gimme my Kraft!

Capri Sun
Ah, the halcyon days of drinking watered down juice-flavored drink (made from a concentrate of juices that aren’t actually the juices advertised) from a foil bag that included its own straws.

"Made with real fruit juice!" Yeah, all 10 percent of it. Where's the "Made with real high-fructose corn syrup!" warning?

Of course, I really didn't care. It was juice in a shiny bag, after all. Never mind that it didn't taste any good -- I was looking good in the lunch hall. 


Cheese 'n Crackers
There’s nothing more American than topping soda crackers with a chunk of cheese.

But when that cheese is actually a bastard concoction of oil, acids and several different ways of saying "salt" smeared across a dry, tasteless cracker by way of a red plastic rectangle stored in the same package as the snack, well... you can see why people who liked these things loved Chicken McNuggets.

Like me.


Cap’n Crunch
The fact that I ate this stuff makes me so sad now.

Never mind the instant sogginess of the cereal, and the resulting (and revolting) candified syrup that was created from what once was milk...

...what I can’t wrap my head around is why I continued to eat this “food” that continually ripped up my gums and inside cheeks, resulting in gobs and gobs of mouth beef hanging from the roof of my mouth. And then ask for more.

WTF was I thinking?

            
School Supplies
White paper. Brown paper. Cardboard paper. Elmer’s Glue. Eraser tips. Probably fruit-scented markers.

Somehow, all these things ended up in my mouth. I didn't exactly "love" eating them... but apparently I liked these items enough to pop them in my mouth throughout elementary.

And sure, I never intended to eat them... but yeah, probably 50 percent of the time, they went down my gullet and into my digestive tract. I wonder how many pounds of yellow paint from my chewed-up No. 2 lead pencils ended up on the walls of my tummy?

Man, I was a screwed-up kid...

What gross "food" did you love as a kid that makes you go “Hmmm...” nowadays?

dudedrama dudedrama 36-40, M 92 Responses Oct 9, 2009

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My god, that was hilarious! Thank for sharing, indeed.

Guess what? I'm a nineties kid, proudly manufactured in 1994, and these are the same things a typical, red-blooded seventeen-year-old girl will eat daily.

Does anyone else remember candy cigarettes? Man, I thought those were great! Now it's just like eating chalk-it even looks like chalk.

I used to get them all the time. That and the shredded beef jerky in a "chew can".

Holy Hell haha, 8 of those things i still eat and devoured in rightous amounts as a kid. I'm 18 so i grew up in the 90s scrafing that stuff down. It kinda makes me scared. This article was amazing ever considered writing parody articles like what The Onion does?

Freckin hulliarious! :) <br />
<br />
You made my morning with the mouth beef comment.

I'd add Ready Brek to that. A sort of sludgy, porridge substitute. I can still remember both the taste and the smell, and there seems to be a paradox there, somewhere. Because although it's the exact same taste and smell as it had when I was nine, my emotional response is incredibly different. What I loved back then, I loathe now. I haven't tasted or smelled it even once in the last decade, so my memory hasn't been updated or compromised by being exposed to the reality - so how is it possible that I've somehow decided that this food is an abomination?<br />
<br />
By the way, I share your opinion on the fourth option - although we called them spaghetti hoops in the UK. And they got a strange sort of retro coolness, when Gene Hunt made a reference to them in the first episode of the UK version of Life on Mars. "I'm 'avin' 'oops."

I would still eat Captain Crunch cereal

Not being American, I don't know all of them in the first place. Also, I was one of those gross kids that actually liked vegetables. LIKED. VEGETABLES. It's not surprising I was an outcast before I knew how to spell the word! :D

With the exception of Cap'n Crunch (yuck), I still eat those foods to this day! I especially love the Cheese Dogs, which my 3-year-old son is now hooked on. Let's hear it for another generation of these foods!

I ate so many Mall-wart corndogs my sweat smelled like the corndogs!<br />
Uck!<br />
Maybe that's why I went vegan...to make up for all the crap I ate in my teens!

... I still eat captain crunch o-o

Those microwaveable burritos. Loved them as a kid, can't stand them now. I wonder how I ever liked that crap.

i remember "velvita" probably the most sickening so called food around. I ended up weighing 230 lbs and got good and sick. Took 2 years to get the weight off. Never ever againe. Were poisioning ourselves slowly with this crap and sociopathic corporarions are all to happy to help.

Humm the only ones I really recognize from the list above are fish fingers [great when u have have a hangover with tomato sauce in a sandwich-but the ones made from fillet fish not crap] and spaghetti hoops. The only thing I can think back to being totally disgusting was codliver oil and malt, it was like a honey in consistency my mum used to give me on the way out the door going to school- used to burp fish all morning-yuk!

Dont forget peanut butter, honey, and banana sandwiches.

Hilarious! I too have eaten almost everything on your list. I have never ever dipped into Elmer's glue though I do recall gnawing on those yellow pencils.

Haha - the way you wrote this cracked me up. In Australia 'fish sticks' are 'fish fingers'. And my mum used to serve them with mashed potatoes and tomato sauce. WTF. And I dont know what alot of these 'foods' (I use the term very loosely) are, but reading about those cheese hotdog things made me want to vomit for you. And roll-ups are good, but Mum wouldnt let us eat them when we were kids - in case we choked. Maybe we were a little bit too sheltered - she actually wouldn't let us take apples to school until year 7 unless they were chopped up. Again, for fear of choking. The kids with roll-ups were the envy of my primary school life. Thanks for sharing!

memoreis HAHAHAH

I was really enjoying the reminiscing on all the crappy, yet yummy food I ate as a child until I read bambi2004tsu post. A good reminder of the junk that goes into our food. I can still remember the first drive thru we ever went to. It was a Wendy's & my Mom & her friend laughed there as*es of because they thought it was so funny to talk into a box.<br />
<br />
I liked the HoHo's v.s. the Ding Dongs. <br />
Hamburger Helper - Beef Pasta flavor, still eat it.<br />
Tuna Casserole<br />
Yes, I ate SPAM too. Did your Mom ever fry up Bologna?<br />
Don't forget Jiffy Pop Popcorn<br />
Candy Cigarettes

Great list! I never cared to sample the glue, but was allowed rare tastes of the other forbidden fruits. My mother thought she was a saint for keeping "poisons" like Hamburger Helper and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese almost entirely off the menu in favor of the same three or four deathly dry and flavorless (but made from scratch and good for ya!) meat-and-potato recipes she thought she knew how to cook. My jaws used to get tired gnawing through the tough and tasteless tortures she served up. I used to fantasize about going to McDonalds or belonging to a family that sometimes had hot dogs for dinner.

Great post. With the exception of school supplies I ate everything on your list. Reese's Puffs processed lunch meat, pre-pressed burgers with or without cheese, bologna rings(pronounced Boe - Log- nah in my family), King Vitamin ( a suprising WIC approved staple),french fries from fast food places, spam, anything made by Hickory Farms, Velveta, Gogurt, Fruit by the foot, Fruity or Cocoa Pebbles, sausage any kind doesn't matter I ate them all.<br />
<br />
I fondly remember the Spaghetti O's Sandwich my mom used to make us. And I still occasionaly do make them as comfort food

Who all rembers that marshmellow stuff that came in a jar? I think it was called marshmellow fluff. God that stuff was gross but my dad put it on everything. I'm sure that if i even smelled it today, i'd throw up!!!

Haha. This was great. I'm really wouldn't be surprised if some parts of our brains cannot function properly as a result of this diet. That fruit roll up stuff, I think it's still sitting in my stomach. Like gum.

Admittedly I remember when they came out with Chicken Nuggets at McDonald's, until then I was scraping the condiments off my cheeseburger (my mom didn't special order) and covering the taste with extra ketchup. <br />
But really how about Cheese Whiz...esp the spray kind, and the nozzle would hold all that hard cheese stuff and of course we would lick that part off and eat it first...mmm

I laughed out loud reading your post! I had totally forgotten about those hot dogs. I was feeling a bit ill by the end of it, but still funny as hell.

gah so true about cap'n crunch. every time i ate it i regretted it, but my mom didn't let me eat it very often so i took every chance i got, despite the pain...

I've eaten ALL of these. I was born in 1993. I may not have had them at their worst (maybe). though I never eaten school stuff... unless you count paper. the "O's" is probably how I got so chubby. I loved them. Haven't had them since. Lack of better judgment I'd still eat the crunch.

HA! I was a 90s kid but man I love fish sticks, mac n cheese and spaghetti Os!!!<br />
<br />
My parents fed us some strange stuff as kids... beans and weenies. A can of baked beans with hot dog cut up in it. And Tomato Maccie. Elbow noodles and V8 juice with a little bit of sugar. <br />
<br />
I love that stuff. Its wonder I don't weigh 400 pounds now.. mostly because I still eat all of it!

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