It's A Love Hate Relationship
Sometimes I wish I didn't love food so much. I wish that the thought of it would leave my brain on occasion!! I'm constantly battling my weight and envy people who live their life using food only as sustenance because for me, it's EVERYTHING. It's entertainment, it's comfort, it's fun, it's love, it's the first thing I think of in the morning, the last thing I think about while drifting off to sleep. My day revolves around what I'm going to make for dinner, have for lunch, how many calories did I eat, am I going to have to run an extra mile because I lacked self control and had that extra snack today?? I feel like I have no self control anymore when it comes to the quality of food I eat. I know whats good for me and whats not. I know what a proper portion size it. It's just that in that delicious moment of consumption, I DON'T CARE!!!
It brings me intense pleasure while I'm consuming it, and shortly after- intense guilt.
If only I could quit eating cold turkey the way a person can quit smoking, or drugs, or most any other bad habit... it's NOT FAIR!
I am, without a doubt - a food addict. I have no doubt, this is some sort of eating disorder I am dealing with. It doesn't matter that I've managed to keep the majority of my weight lost off, it doesn't matter that MOST OF THE TIME, I eat okay. It can't possibly be healthy to be obssessed with food like this. It is not fun living life with the constant fear of gaining more weight, the constant self guilt and poor body image that eating ANYTHING gives me.
It sucks, really... it does.