A Poem I Wrote About Something I Love :)

She hides beneath flowers of lace, and silk;
And when she comes out to play,
She greets me with a smile.
Her lips are shaped for kisses,
And she delights in each one.

When I lick her,
She licks me back,
But the attention makes her blush;
And she cries joyful tears
Like morning dew.

Petals like pink sunrise
Give way to her warmth.
And when the heat rises
To its peak,
She is in full bloom.
Her fragrance fills the air,
And for a moment -
She shines.
ImpromptuJill ImpromptuJill
22-25, F
7 Responses Jul 10, 2010

"Petals like sunrise"? I suppose. But I was trying to illustrate the morning theme of the time before the sun rises to its zenith - her climax. Sunrise is sometimes pink, but isn't always. I guess by defining that this sunrise was pink, it also gives color to the aforementioned petals, which are only figurative unless you define them. And I think "pink petals" is a fairly obvious vaginal metaphor.<br />
<br />
Am I over-thinking it? Should I lose the word "pink"?

Please do! I'd love to hear what you come up with. :)

very sensual...will give some thought to your rewrite...but i think it's worthy!

Thank you! And you're welcome! lol :P

I thought this was beautiful. Thanks!

Thank you! :)<br />
<br />
I may revise it though. I'm having second thoughts about the ending. I think I got hung up on the "petals like pink sunrise" image of the labia which made me giggle. But "sunshine" isn't really the image I wanted to convey. And I don't like the "full bloom" line. It sounds so cliche and it doesn't really mean anything. So I feel like I should rewrite the ending.<br />
<br />
If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them. :)

Their is nothing better .