Halloween Costumes That Transform Women Into Sex Kittens
Posted October 22nd, 2009 at 5:15PM
Work for an employer who filters out images of young, nubile, acrobatic ladies earning an honest buck on the Internet? Here’s a workaround: Google “female Halloween costumes.”
No kidding, its seriously hot stuff.
What is up with all the sex-kitty Halloween costumes? I like eye candy as much as the next guy, but I also feel bad for all the ladies out there who simply want to join in the fun of dressing up for a night and being someone else.
All they're allowed to be, apparently, is cold.
It’s weird that nearly every costume out there for the XX side of humanity is designed to expose, titillate or otherwise suggest women are sex toys. For instance:
Naughty Nurses
Look up doctor and nurse costumes, and I’ll guarantee you that all the doctors are dudes armed with a white robe and stethoscope. Women get stuck with the skin show.
Kinky Cops
If it's not nurses we seem intent to fetishize, it's cops.
Police agencies throughout the nation really should consider equipping their policewomen with uniforms such as these. It'd make getting my monthly traffic ticket all the more palatable.
Imagine if all our female civil servants showed a bit of midriff above their too-tight civil-servant shorts. Oh wait, I just did. Never mind.
Masochistic Maid
Why would anyone want to dress up as a maid for Halloween?
Maybe it's ironic and funny when the uber-powerfully rich dress up as one -- if you're uber-powerfully rich yourself.
Don't get me wrong: Without maids cleaning up after the rich, we probably wouldn't have the super economic success we're experiencing today.
Examine the psyches of dudes, and we'll quickly understand why they want ladies to dress up as the women who clean their toilets. But why would a women ever agree to it? INAPPROPRIATE.
Speaking of inappropriate:
Nun Too Sexy
Go ahead, oggle the wife of God. I'm sure he doesn't mind. That's right, the woman who chose to forego sex in order to marry a deity. It's not like he's a jealous God or anything.
"For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God..."
Oh yeah. That.
I don't care how young a nun can be -- as long as I live and breathe, they're too old to scope out. That lady to the left? I don't even know what she looks like.
(By the way: You're going to hell for looking at her.)
Nuns are one thing -- schoolgirls, on the other hand, take us into another realm of disturbing.
Sexy Schoolgirl
First off, even the nastiest 16-year-old Catholic schoolgirl doesn't wear this sort of thing. And don't give me that whole "it's an exaggeration" crap. Schoolgirls are "sexy" because they wear not-very-revealing clothes.
Second, uh...How do I put this delicately?
Not many women would actually want to wear this out and about in public and I applaud them for not exposing their bellies to me. BRAVO!
Third, Schoolgirl. Schoolgirl. That's it.
Wait, no, that's not it:
Little Red Riding Ho
Who thought of this?
Yes, I know it's not new. I know Little Red Riding Hood -- a naive little girl who ends up having a close encounter of some sort with a wolf -- has been the subject of many pervy old dudes' icky fantasies for decades now.
But who thought it was a good idea to make a costume for women so they could dress up as a child and...
Oh, I think I just answered my own question.
Captain Booty
None of these costumes feature pants or full dresses. The dude who designs these costumes knows that, for a lady to truly enjoy Halloween, she needs to dress up in a skirt, dress or short shorts.
Pirates never wore skirts, but they should have because of all the BOOOOOOO-TAY!
Booty? Captain Booty? Ha ha. Oh ho. I can barely breathe here. Get it?
Because "Booty" is what both pirates and hip-hop stars from the 1990s like.
That's the joke in its entirety. Which makes me wonder who's naming the costumes? The only thing worse than Captain Booty would be something like, oh, I dunno, let me Google and see if --
Oh my:
Booty Camp
"You see, what we really have here," said the creator of Captain Booty as he chomped on his too-wet cigar. "Well, it isn't just a costume."
"It isn't?" wondered his wimpy underling.
"NO! This is gold. It's a franchise! Quick! What other costumes can we come up with that uses the B word?"
"Uh... Boot Maker?"
"Hmmm... throw a short skirt on a cobler? Not bad, not bad. What else?"
"Bootsie Collins?"
"YES."
Pocahottie
Wow.
Of all the costumes in this list, nothing makes my skin crawl like "Pocahottie."
It's not clever. It's not just stupid. It's offensive.
Hell, "Pocahottie" is pretty much the epitome of everything that's wrong with the Halloween costume industry. Clearly, the people running it are not aware how wrong.
If you suspected the industry was not attracting talent from top-tier colleges, you were correct.
On behalf of all the rest of humanity, I apologize to Native Americans everywhere for the antics of the half-wits churning out this crap.
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OK... sexy nun? Really, I mean that takes it to a level that I don't even want to know.... and I am not someone who is fervently religious.
WOW! Thanks for the post... this is funny because its TRUE! :)
Happy Halloween, by the way. -
See now... I think I have been each of these "costumes" at one time or another... but none of them were like these.
I have to agree with EPJake... this is funny because it really is TRUE.
Thank you for a good laugh as always, Dude. Have a great weekend. -
OK... this story is funny to me... but the devil can be in the details and you know what is really funny to me... that someone clicked that this story "inspired" them -- check the reactions. ;)
OK... fess up? Who was inspired by this story... and what is your costume going to be this year if you were, as you noted, inspired?!?
Thanks for the laugh, Dude. Keep 'em coming. -
very funny story, no more looking at nuns for me. HELL NO.
LOL -
wow, i'll never look at a sexy injun costume the same lol. and i AM an 'injun' ;-)
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Nice Jake.
Wouldn't mind slipping into a few of those outfits myself. -
Okay ladies, How many of you buy these costumes on Halloween clearance so you can use them for role playing? I will admit I sometimes do that but Oh heck naw I would never dress up as a naughty nun unless Mr. M can assure me that he will dress up as a priest so we can fry in hell together. I am not even Catholic and would be looking for rosary beads for that costume.
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So true Fungirl! I've bought more than one for just that reason. I'd never wear them out, but behind closed doors they're really fun :)
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That's right dudedrama. The only thing women are allowed to be is COLD. Even in LA these costumes would be too revealing. You know there's a Sex in the City segment (in the 1st film) that captures this same concept. Miranda (a wife and mother) is looking for a costume for herself and her son. All she finds is sex kitten and witch. That's it. She chooses the witch.
I haven't rented or purchased a costume in years. I've just made my own from whatever I have available in my home. I'm not going to spend money for a costume I wear once a year. I need that money for more important things.
For people who want to purchase costumes, they should make long-sleeve jacket & long-pants wear. So when your outside your still warm. Maybe Martha Stewart will come up with something beautiful beautiful ;D -
Thanks for the laugh! This is a great list and SO TRUE!
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Wow Fungirl...I do the same thing. Cop and Maid costumes work the best. My husband loves it!
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I went to a costume shop with a friend yesterday looking for props and face paint. I took a look at the costumes in the store, and my friend just said "They really don't expect people to wear these outside the house, do they?"
I think that a pretty accurate summation of the costumes. -
Dudedrama, this is truly rich!
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Pocahottie isn't THAT bad..lol....the nun is funny :)
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True....(laughs)
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Is the Sex Kitten costume still available?
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Funny I should see this...earlier tonight I was browsing for costumes for my 14-year-old daughter, and came across one called "Sunshine Cookie Girl"! (my daughter, incidentally, happens to BE a Girl Scout!!) OMG!!!
Google it. -
i could see these for the bedroom to spice up a relationship, but a party? Are women supposed to go around looking like tramps? By the way, the best nun costume I ever saw was a homemade one by my husband's cousin. She was a pregnant (heavily) nun.
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I like sex kitten too.
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Loved your take on the costume industry for women! Thank you for the giggle.
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I would dnever buy anything like that for ANY reason....I mean....I spent enough on sexy nighties.....when the plan the whole time was for them to land up on the floor....So I gave up....and saved a ton of money.....
And my husband was a cop.....and my daughters want to be cops......So if any department was to EVER make them wear something like that....Well all I can say is that the guys better be wearing it too.....hehehehe
But hey.....It is Halloween...so I know that there is someone out there that will be wearing one of those....and I know that my oldest will be one of them -
Obviously there are women purchasing these costumes or men or they would not "churn them out". Possibly women or men just want an excuse to expose their true sexuality and they have that at Halloween.
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I think they're great!!!! If you got it flaunt it! :-)
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great story thanks for the laugh!
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That was funny, true and sad. I had a conversation yrs ago witha customer at the store I worked at. She was complaining on why it was so hard to find respecable shorts for her pre-teen. Most of the shorts barely came past the butt cheek. She also commented on the media and music stars and such. I said that I believe that the manufacturers tall us what we are going to buy and wear. It's not like we said hey make everything short and sexy. No, in fact, most of us say cover it up a bit more.So, why is everything skimpy and sexy? Because that's all they put out to be sold. So unless you are going to make your own clothing, you have no choice but to wear what the make. Same with Halloween costumes. Now, I do like to look sexy from time to time, but there is a time and a place.
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I won't buy any of those costumes for once a year occasion. If I really must put on something in that theme, I probably go in my stripey or bear printed pyjama lol maybe I can also find something from my grandma's trunk....apron or the corset thingy.
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And what exactly is making that maid a masochist. I mean, really? I got to go shopping with my husband and 14 yr. old son. Yeah, I know. It really was funny/disturbing. Really a lithmus test for society isn't it?
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Ok, I'm in australia and haloween has only recently started to take off here in Adelaide. But it is the one time of year that I dress like that in public because...? I CAN :) I can and no one can say much against it. :D My man loves it too ;)
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Nice commercial. Although I'm all for dressing up or down to fit the occassion, I don't think that I'll ever do that at the workplace. Not for anyone, nor for any amount of money. And I can sure use the money. But not young nor foolish enough any more. My preference was for Catwoman ;-)
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being cold ? In my teenage memories, the skating rink was the sexiest place on earth. In our hometown, we had a huge lake freezing up in the winter. Girls showed no flesh, but they were dressing in tight pants and jumpers. It was the major venue for teenagers, and the girls took it seriously indeed. There was also movement, rhythm and interaction on the ice. In summers, the girls were baking motionless in the sun, in their bikinis or less. But for me, they were never as sexy as the young, flexible, flirting kittens on ice.
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