A Romantic But Tired Capricorn And His Quest For Love

This is an excerpt from a recent book I wrote. It is a compilation of stories from people across the country who have had an affair. This is an exceprt of one of my own stories.

I am a Capricorn. I’ve never been one that looks at my daily astrology chart or anything like that, but my dad instilled a sense of Capricorn pride within me from an early age. My dad is a Capricorn as well and told me he even had a boss one time who only hired Capricorns. If you are unfamiliar with the Capricorn symbolism, we are the mountain goat that scales the rocky cliffs. We are planners and are constantly working on multiple goals simultaneously. We are silent achievers. Most people underestimate us. They compare us in contrast to the robust looking Aires ram, Taurus the bull or Leo the lion and just nod their heads. That goat doesn’t have a chance they say to themselves. But while those mighty signs charge ahead of us, relying on their physical strength to overcome whatever obstacles lie ahead, we have already mapped out the journey. And as they stumble and eventually fall, tumbling back down the mountain, we meticulously make our way up the rocky cliffs, one step at a time, carefully maneuvering the narrow path, until finally it is us who stands at the crest of the mountain peak, enjoying the view of success and triumph. It is the Capricorn who eventually gets that big job promotion, lands the big client, or gets the girl in the end. Never underestimate the goat.

“Being a Capricorn is also a curse however, for as we are enjoying the crisp mountain air, the wondrous view from the peak, and a sense of accomplishment, we find that there is another mountain peak just ahead. The mountain there is taller than the one we currently stand on, its view even more enticing, or so we tell ourselves. This discovery sends us onward on an endless journey to scale that next peak, and the next one, and the next, for there is always another one. It is a cycle that has no end.
“It is a cycle that is perpetuated by my wife. She quickly learned of my insatiable appetite for accomplishment and success. She let go of her career five years into our marriage, letting me carry the load of providing for our family. Unfortunately, she insists on living an expensive lifestyle. She has also invested our money in real estate ventures that she would get excited about, only to have them go nowhere. In order to sustain her doings, I have been forced to work multiple jobs throughout most of our marriage, sometimes as many as four jobs at one time. I make a lot of money, but work eats up much of my life. I am like the mouse on the wheel, no matter how fast I run, I never get ahead.

“Ten years ago I lost my job in a recession. It took me almost a year to find work again. During that time my wife refused to look for work to help us out. At that time, we had two houses thanks to a real estate investment that she had made. We were draining thousands of dollars out of checking account every month. I was so stressed. I broke down several times and sobbed during that period as I realized that even my Capricorn brain couldn’t figure out how to get us out of that mess. It is amazing I didn’t have a heart attack back then. I have never forgiven my wife for not helping us out during that time. She stood by and watched my demise. I still can’t talk about that time without tearing up and she continues to not understand why. It was the worst year of my life and I have yet to not feel the sting of it. It’s about that time as well that my wife started refusing to have intercourse with me. I don’t know why, maybe she looked at me differently once I became unemployed. I know she loves me, but I have felt like I am only a machine to her, a machine that never stops working, ensuring that her lifestyle is preserved.

From the Book, The Tangled Web We Weave, by Ryan Bradley, available on Amazon.com
ryanbradley ryanbradley
46-50, M
Dec 4, 2012