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Maybe In The Future?

I met him in my Freshman year of college and his Sophomore year. I joined a student org at the beginning of the year and he was the head of it that year. He was PreMed, I am still an International Affairs major. He just graduated early by one year because of a special program and is now starting med school in a week or so.

He came into my life as a weird kind of mentor. He was the person I went to whenever I had any questions about our organization and doing things as per their way. Slowly, we became friends, just like everyone else in our organization. But for some reason he seemed like some other entity. He was older than me, wiser than me( in some respects) yet we still became close (only as friends though). He started confiding a few things with me, and I with him. Yet, from what I understood, he thought of himself as my brother, and nothing more. I on the other hand saw the man I could see myself with in the long future.

My friends tell me that I am a fiesty person and very sassy ;) but I have always prided myself on that. However, I wonder if this ever challenges him. Yet at times I wish I could just be honest with him. I am too afraid to lose the one person I have with whom I can share my regrets and worries with. I have severa friends, but there are some things that I can say to him that I will never be able to say to anyone else probably. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think he realizes how I feel about him (in the small case that he actually feels the same as I do), and on the other hand, he might already know how I feel and he wants to avoid the situation.

Though this guy may not be the man for me right now, I can feel it in my heart of hearts that this is the kind of person I want to marry and be with for the rest of my life. Yet, I feel that he does not think of me the same way. I am more than willing to wait for him, but I wish I knew how to be comfortable enough in front of him in order to express my feelings in front of him without breaking my heart.

If he is not the one for me, fine. I just wish I already knew that!

Thank you <3
whereishe25 whereishe25 18-21 Aug 12, 2012

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