That Son Of A Frazzle Dazzel

I have known Judge Tom Reed (I am changing all names for obvious reasons) for eleven years he is one the most respected men in my county-next to his father, JP, who I absolutely adore. His father is a recently retired district court judge and his brother Bob is a bail bondsmen. Tom's wife left him years ago for a state trooper, we will call him trooper Dan.She was recently arrested for failing to appear in court and possession of narcotics. He has three children two daughters and one son. For the longest time I supported him, and campaigned for him and stood by his side like a fool, I came to his defense many, many, many times. Which I now regret. The one time I needed him to pull through for me, he didn't. I really needed him-I mean really people were threatening to kill me. That experience has since left me permanently emotionally and mentally scarred, I no longer trust him or respect him. I can't forgive him not now, not ever. 

I am the type of person that even if I do not like you I will at least respect you, but once you lose my respect I am done with you. I do not trust easy, so when my trust is broken I take it seriously. I absolutely hate Tom Reed! I never told him how hurt I was by his decision, but I think he caught the hint when I didn't sign on as a part of his campaign staff (I always sign up two years in advance) I hope he loses this election. I just can't stand him. I saw him once at a McDonald's (post trial) and I practically ran away from him. I knew that if he tried to talk to me I would end up kicking his ***. I mean he clearly saw how much he hurt me at the initial hearing when he did nothing. That final day of the trial, after he made his final ruling (nothing would happen to the people they walk free) I literally ran out of the courtroom and went home. As soon as I got home I ripped down the picture I had of him on my wall, and balled it up and threw it away. I remember being alone in my home yelling, "I see why your wife left you, you son of a *****! I hate you! I hate you!" just crying hysterically like a wimp-I hate crying I think it is weak it is something I was always told. 

Yet at the same time, I love him. I mean before that trial I would have done anything for him, I really cared about him. Whenever I campaign for someone I put my heart and soul into it, because I like to make sure the right people are getting elected. It sometimes does not always work out, but that's life. But when I have known someone for that long and they hurt me in that way, I find it hard to even look at them. He is the only man my grandmother approves of. Which if you know my grandmother that is a big deal. I loved him. I know some of you will say, he was only doing his job. But I want to remind you that he was not the original judge for my case it was Judge Arnold, Tom chose to take on my case. He is not supposed to make his rulings based solely on our personal history. Every one in that courtroom knew I was the only granddaughter of the first female Deputy Sheriff. It's a small town. Any judge I could have had, would have known exactly who I was. I have dirt on all of the politicians in my town. Tom did what he did on purpose, I think he intended to hurt me. 

I can't get him out my head. He still for some God awful reason means a lot to me. But I cannot forgive him-I hate him. I avoid places I know he will be because I know I may lash out at him. Yet I still get these stupid visions of us being together. Maybe he was afraid of his feelings, I have heard the way he talks about me, behind my back. He calls me beautiful and a real respectable woman, and he talks about voice and how he thinks it is very sexy and he thinks I am intelligent, yadda yadda yadda. I fell in love with him because he is a real man, and I thought I could trust him. I let my guard down and he practically ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground and stomped on it, then picked it up and threw it in a blender, blended it and poured it back into the gaping hole where my heart once was. He smells so amazing, and he is a ginger, he is so sweet and kind (so I thought) and hung like mother bleeper. He fits almost everything on my checklist, the only things is he is short and a republican. But I still love him, shockingly. I am not even going to bother reaching out to him, because I still do not trust him and he does not have the time.
3venus 3venus
18-21, F
Nov 28, 2012