Too Emotionally Exhausted By the Bastard to Come Up With a Clever Title

I too love him and hate him. And I hate hating him which makes me hate him more. I think my face is growing more unattractive with my hate. That also makes me hate him more. He is easy to hate: self-righteous, narcissistic, hypocritical/projectionist, unforgiving, not true-to-his-word, and verbally abusive. It's also easy to love him: sexy, smart, loyal, sensitive...sometimes, funny, and a good friend to his friends. i think. okay, now i'm definitely wrapped around hate more than love: he's called me a *********, a racist, a *****, a ****, he's inferred that i'm stupid, crazy, lazy, selfish, and everything that i just told you HE was (see paragraph above). those are just the main ones that come to mind. then there is also the way he twists every good thing about my personality and makes it negative somehow. if anything i say or do is ambiguous, then he errs on the side of bad-bad me. he has not earned so much mistrust of me. he interrupts--constantly. even when i raise the white flag or offer to meet him halfway on an issue, he persistently picks at the scab from the scar he left. the only thing that softens him to me is when i DO something for him, BUY something for him, F-CK him, PRETTY UP for him, etc. it has to be about HIM. if he hears me, say, being a good friend to my friends or doing the right thing this place or that, nope. nothing. that's irrelevant. and he WASN'T this way when he was wooing me, which makes me resent him. So I leave him. And he begs me to come back. When I do, it's within DAYS that whatever valid reasons I had for leaving him are no longer--now that he's been thinking--valid reasons. And then he just turns into the same ******* he was that made me want to leave in the first place. And then he does something sweet, something sexy, and I'm back into the warm and fuzzies. And then the letdowns. And so it goes. Can you feel me?
eggofmyrrh eggofmyrrh
36-40, F
6 Responses Jul 12, 2007

I can totally feel you! This guy you are talking about, sounds like the guy I had an emotional affair with, and I love him and hate him, all at the same time. I hate the fact that I still have feelings for him. He is very arrogant, and actually goes around saying that he is an arrogant *******. He also can be verbally abusive. He told me twice that if I wasn't married, we would be married, but..he's also called me the b word.

hun make a change before its too late i know you love to feel like maybe one day he'll realize the things he says to you hurt you but he wont ! stick to it beingabout YOU after it is your life and he should add on to it... no i know im being a major contradiction but i hate to see another girl settle when she knows she s worth more...jeez i need to take my own advice huh haha good luck*

I too know the roller coaster of love.

That is the "cycle of violence", Heart's @ flowers, tear's @ sorry's,<br />
S 0 S(same old ****) it took me 16 tyms of taking back the ex, and to learn about abuse, @ the cycle, (only he can change if he wan'ts to) (you can't change him, only yourself)<br />
"hugs", i had that same h8 hm love hm 2!!!(he's still the same )my ex but he's remarried @ i feel sorry for her cse i know wot she's in for.<br />

I feel ya! Been there; done that! The real crappy part in my case is: the Ex did a complete turn arround AFTER I divorced him! Took him realizing I wasn't gonna stay and deal, and it took him loosing a wife, daughter, and his freedom to want to change! But it's my fault in a way. I was the good girl attracted to the thug and thought I could change him. Well, I guess I did in a way. Just not in the way or time I expected! Hmmm, guess this part would go more under careful what you wish for.=} Still, I think you know what you got to do, and when you're mentally and emotionally strong enough, I think you will do it!

It's hard to leave a relationship, even a bad one, because it is comfortable. You had decided that you had enough reasons to leave once, and are not back with him and say nothing has changed. You still deserve as much as you did when you first left.