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I Love Him So Much It Hurts

I do.  I truly do.  I have loved him since I met him.  I have been addicted to his touch since I first experienced it.  His gentleness has captivated me.  The kindness in his eyes can melt my anger.  The strength in his arms can shelter me from everything.  My entire body cries when I am not with him. 

When he is at his worst, I see him at his best.  In his mistakes, I see perseverance.  In his weakness, I see courage.  In his past, I see what made him.  In his future, I see all that he will become. 

When I look into my heart, I see him.  When I close my eyes, I feel him.  While my contentment comes from within, he is my lighthouse, shining my way home. 

Why do I feel this way?  He has cast me aside.  He has shown me his anger.  He has shown me his immaturity.  He has been rude, dismissive, and careless.  He has been short-sighted and quick-tempered, he has been impatient and unkind. 

Yet in his anger, I feel his fear; in his immaturity, I see his imperfection; in his rude, dismissive attitude, I feel his frustration.  When he is careless and short-sighted, I am understanding.  When he is quick-tempered, I am patient and kind when he cannot be.

Does he know how I see him?  Does he realize how perfect he is in my eyes?

When I am scared, he is my protector.  When I feel alone, he is my comfort.  He is there for me before I ask.  He knows my pain before I feel it, and understands it better than me.  He guards my body from harm, and my heart from pain.  He is the love of my life.   

My love for him is beautiful, but my love for myself must be even more so.  Why can I not have both?  Why must I love myself more than him, and so not be with him?  When will he see the beauty in my love, the beauty in my heart?

Will he ever love me the way I love him?  Will I ever be able to love another with this perfection if he does not return my affections?

Bella724 Bella724 26-30, F 48 Responses Nov 30, 2007

Your Response


so beautiful

that is exactly how I feel. knowing that I am not the only one to feel this way has really helped. Hopefully knowing that you are not alone will help

i am drunk inlove too thnx alot ey

I feel exactly like that and really helped me

I loved it (:

so awesome on so many spoke,my true feeling sent it to my fiance .thanks beautifully expressed.

Thank you for expressing this so beautifully. I have sent this page to my boyfriend to help him understand my love for him, and how much I give him, always hoping my wholehearted love will be returned. You are modelling grace to him. While it can be dangerous for your heart, I know why you do it, I do the same. I pray that one day the man you love will fully understand what that grace is, and that my man will too. I don't know about you, but I am a christian. And the only reason I can love someone this way, love someone through hurt and pain, is because God first loved me in my own brokenness and shame. Perhaps you have the same experience, or maybe someone else in your life modelled this love to you. Either way, it is a gift. Bit don't give your gift without guarding your heart. You are a superwoman. This song is for you, me, and all the women out there who give and love.....

I could relate on this..I wished they loved us the way we do.

Omg that is exactly how I feel about my man, I love him so much .. that I'm willing to turn my back on him if he doesn't see my worth around my finger

I want my love to know that I feel this way everyday, it is never ending. It was so well put and the description was so exact, wow... I am soooo inlove!

first wow, the top portion of this sounds exactly how I, I'm blown away.

Your writing is amazing. And totally hit the spot. Its so true for me. Its as if you just saw into my soul and wrote about me and my guy. Thank you. I'm not alone. I truly appreciate your fearless honesty.

ahh it's totally his lose because you seem like a very lovable person.. You'll get someone better next time that will appreciate you for the awesome person you are and be picky in who you date you deserve the best sweetie... you go girl... oxo

I feel you. Same boat. Same hurt, same painful tiring holding on to something no one really understands. You put it so aptly. Thank you, it took away some of my pain, that guy has no clue how lucky he is. Sorry, hopefully he gets it before its too late.

Very beautifully captured - how so many women in love feel.

Oh my word! Minus the hurt i feel everything you feel this is what i wanted to say out loud for the longest while but you have inspired me to write it down and i will thank you so very much!!!

This sounds like my 32 year relationship w/a Stanford MBA Narcissist. Started at 15/16 yrs old. YO !!!! Anyone thinking this is a fantasy love story is being MANIPULATED !!! Sounds peachy keen... f'ed up stuff

oh my goodness! this is exactly how i feel for that guy i think could be my soulmate..seriously! i can never tell him though and the circumstances make it impossible..but i am so in love that i could just cry..and i do..thinking about him endlessly..wishing i could tell summed it up..thanks

im definitely in your position, in love with a guy that circumstances won't allow us to be together but i think about him every moment i breathe we stay in contact and it hurts so much that i may never have him to love him with all the love i have for him, he has never once been angry or mean or rude to me, not once and im not disillusioned its the truth; i fear so much having to love someone else and feel like i cant love them the way i should because still i love him

thank you so much. This is beautyful you are very talented. You put into words exactly what i feel. Feels good to be understood and i thank you for that. Wish u the best off luck , im sure he feels the same way , beacuse chemestry is something between two people that both exsprience.

i know how u feel, i hope he shares ur feelings and u get to spend life together i.e. nothing prevents u from being together forever...

so beautiful

wow i have never read something so powerful in my life thank you for posting

Beautifully accurate...

This is exactly how I feel about my best friend and my neighbour...='(<br />
I'm 15 and he's 11... Is it wrong if the female partner is older than the male partner? <br />
I'm really LIL right now, (Lost in love) <br />
sometimes,I think he likes me...But sometimes,not...

Exactly how I feel about my male teacher. D:

just tell him how you feel. print this story of yours and let him read it.

last year i meet my boyfriend he was an Indian from south India i really love him so much we date in august till January tis year,everything was going well and we really love each other so much,he buys me gifts,we go watch movie or had dinner out than one day he told that he can not married me and continue the relationship coz its against his religion coz he was catholic and i am Methodist. i was really sad and broken heart when he told that, i cry every night coz he was my true love and my only one who i want to spend my life with.he is now in india at his home and me i am far away from him,please need help will i meet him oneday or he would come to me oneday pls help anyone

You make me crying ,i feel the samething i never was thinking i was going to hurt so much.