Just A Few Words...A day goes from bad to good.
A smile replaces a frown.
A love is restored.
Just a few choice words.
If you were to read some of my other stories, most specifically the one titled "I Never Got ToSay Goodbye" (Yes, the ToSay is a typo), then you would know who I am about to write about by now. Justin fell out of my life in one of the most painful ways. I never got to really be friends with him, I never got to tell him how I truly felt, and, as the first story about him states, I also never got to say goodbye to him. I realized a lot of things after he was gone, and since he left my life, I have gone through many, many changes. I am no longer the small, fragile, innocent little virgin I was when he last set eyes on me. No, instead I am a strong, open-minded, srtong-minded, and experienced young woman. I am very proud of the changes I have made, even though I know and have been told to be ashamed of them, but I know I can't take it back, so I should be proud of the lessons I have learned.
So something changed today. After years of missing Justin, thinking of him, and even dreaming of him, I finally have a chance to talk to him. I's something totally new, something I have been dreaming of doing for such a long time, even though it's not exactly the best fo what I had wished for. But I finally got to talk to Justin. I had the guts to finally say hello when I noticed he was on facebook less than an hour ago. He wasn't on for long, and to my despair the reason he had to go was because he had a date with his girlfriend. See, over time, I had gotten over him, fell in love with someone else, and moved on. But for some reason, when I saw those words, my heart sunk a little bit. I felt it land in my stomach and something renewed began to grow in me again. It was a small and short conversation, but some of the things said broke my heart or made it soar.
He told me he joined the army. It was probably the last thing I wanted to hear. Other than silence, that is. I tried to keep cool with him, but it was hard when I felt my insides falling apart. I always had a feeling that that would be his calling, that that was what he was going to go do one day, but everything inside me hoped it wouldn't be. What if he leaves for Afghanistan and never comes back? Or what if he came back, mangled, broken, or cold and stiff? What would I do? What if he came back like that, or not at all, and I never got to tell him how much he means to me? That he's been my beacon of hope for so many years? That I love him?
But what saved me from the sorrow was when I asked him what his reason for going was, and he told me he would tell me sometime. That meant he would be talking to me again, and that made me smile through the tears I began to shed. When he had to leave, he told me he would talk to me again. but that wasn't all he said. He promised it would be soon. The joy that filled me in that moment was so strong and unbelievable, I squealed out loud. I clamped my mouth shut before I remembered that I'm home alone.
The thing that still crushes me, though, is that he does have a girlfriend. I've looked at the pictures he has posted of the two of them, and not only is she incredibly pretty, but thay also look really happy together, and mi9tht even be deeply in love for all I know. It breaks my heart to see it, and if I don't act soon, he'll never know how much I wish it was me. So I say this with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face:
I really hope she's good enough for him.
emfire911 16-17, F 0 Aug 19, 2011