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But Sometimes, . . . Ugh

I wonder sometimes why men think the way they do. I'm not slamming all men and I'm slamming my man.  I just wonder about his thought process.

I'm pregnant.  Very pregnant.  Pregnant with twins.  We are both very happy about that.

This morning King and I were laying in bed and he said something about the babies being born and how wonderful life will be after they arrive.  I agreed.  We will be tired but it will be wonderful.

He went on about how our morning routine would change because of them and how we need to make sure that we take time for ourselves as a couple so that our marriage does not suffer as a result of becoming parents.  I agreed.  We shouldn't sacrifice our marriage and make sure we nurture our time together.

I told him how happy I will be to get back to my pre-babies body.  He smiled and said I look sexy pregnant.  Fine. Ok.  I agreed with him but I still want my pre-babies body back. 

Then the looks came and the shoulder rub and the kiss.  That was nice but I was wondering where he was going.  Then snuggling followed by the comment, "I don't think you should get too used to being in your pre-babies body because we'll be very busy getting back to babying again," as he was rubbing my tummy.

I love King but I almost slugged him.  I've got a sore back, butt, feet, breasts and everything is swollen and he is talking about me going back to this condition.

I told him that he should consider being pregnant for nine months and then we'll talk about me doing this again.

He said he understood and then winked at me.

Men. Ugh.  I love him but Ugh.
WildSpectrumArts WildSpectrumArts 46-50, F 11 Responses Sep 11, 2012

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Well, he did experience gestation and birth firsthand, even if he wasn't the one doing the pushing. OK, I don't remember much of my own birth, but I was there and conscious for it. As for an encore to the twins, nursing mothers are less fertile, and other than that it occurred, I have no clear recollection of how our second was conceived while my wife was still nursing our first (then only eight months old).

The first wasn't a surprise. The second was, a second blessing. You may be ready sooner than you now think.

A woman is never more fertile than after she has given birth. Breastfeeding is not a method of birth control and many pregnancies occur because women and men are under the false impression that being a nursing mother will magically stop the ability to get pregnant. It doesn't. As far as being ready, I am ready when my babies are ready to be delivered. As far as any future children, we will see how the delivery goes for these.

Your husband sounds like most husbands when they are admiring their wife whilst pregnant. Pregnant women look beautiful especially in the last trimester even with their swollen, feet, fingers....lol. He will never understand what pregnant women go through, but at least he is there to support you fully which is great even if he is teasing you about further pregnancies :)

I understand Wilde's condition. I was just messing with her. Pregnant or not, she is drop dead gorgeous.

EL, King is pretty understanding even though he will not personally know what it feels like to give birth. No man knows what that is like. He has been a sweetheart throughout my pregnancy. There have been days when I haven't been the nicest person. He has always been supportive, calm and understanding of the changes that I've been going through. He also knows that any future children will be determined by how well I do in the delivery of these.

This all sounds just perfect, I am happy for you both and wish you both all the very best with the forthcoming event.

Thank you Ms. EbonyLady.

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he is being a man YOUR MAN...you are pregnant and emotions are running high...when you hold the babies in your arms you will find that all of this will vanish....in the meantime, just wait until you are in labor and transition hits -- THEN you will hate him for alll he is worth for doing this to you... and later, when you have the babies in your arms all that will vanish...it is an interesting ride...enjoy it

Interesting view you project.

I knew what I was getting into when we did this. Even though I'm not looking forward to labor, I know it is part of process of bringing the little ones into the world. I certainly don't hate King for getting me pregnant. To make sure I don't put him in the "death grip of labor" I am having a close friend be my labor coach.

good job

your body will need to recover from this pregnancy in that time Mr King will get a taste of what kids are and if you both decide to make more, tbh i think that is where his mind stopped when he told you what he did at "making" more, so when you both decide to make more :D you better do it and be done so you can be in your pre babies body asap

I was slightly joking with my wife and slightly not. I am aware of the changes twins will bring to our life. Even though my wife knows I would like more children, it would be a mutual decision when we are both ready. My wife is a very healthy and athletic woman so returning to her pre-babies body won't be a problem for her.

Not to worry raanaxoxo, I will certainly take the time to recover from this pregnancy. I'm not looking to be a factory machine pumping out babies. Twins are enough for now.

Oh, Wilde, Wilde...maybe when the twins arrive and he sees what's involved in raising them he'll realize what a huge new project another pregnancy/baby would be--especially when you sweetly explain that he'll have to take care of the twins once the new little one comes along, because you do have a limited amount of energy, after all. As for time as a couple--where in the world does he think that would come from?? The best I can do is suggest that you have him read my post on why men should have periods and see if that opens his eyes any, lol. I love you both and I'm sure this will all work out somehow, hun. (((((big hugs to all four of you)))), Ms Footies

LOL. I think King is beginning to realize the real work it takes in raising children. We saw the movie "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and that opened his eyes to the reality of babies and children. We talked about getting the babies on a schedule once they are born but I told him that babies do not get sick on your schedule. They have colds and stuff on their schedule. He knows we are having a nurse but I think he wants to hire the nanny sooner instead of later. (I think he is getting a little spooked.) GrandmaSugar, King and I need all the help we can get. : )

Oh Wilde I wish we lived close enough for me to come be your nanny--that's what I've spent years doing and I love it!! Now that I'm getting back on EP again I will flood you with all sorts of stories about my experiences being a nanny for boy/girl twins from the age of 3 weeks to 4 years, when their parents moved away. I'm still in touch with them. You're both going to be fine, hun--and I love my new name. GrandmaSugar. That's perfect! You are indeed a gem, Wilde, and I'm so glad we're friends! : )

GrandmaSugar, I wish you lived nearby too. King is a mess. See the story he wrote. http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Afraid/2573666 He got very concerned after I had him watch a few childbirth movies and read a couple of books. Then someone posted in Q&A that they weren't sure if they are going into labor (38 weeks) or not and was describing it. King turned whiter than a ghost. I wondered what was wrong with him. He got so quiet and fidgety. It has been a lot for him to take in. I'm sure we will be calling on our EP Grandmothers for tips and hints on what to do.

LOL I once told my 7 month pregnant wife that I found her being pregnant very sexy!

That was the beginning of the end of that relationship. she did not take that as a compliment, witch I had meant it to be. I never meant I wanted her to be pregnant all the time, just that it was a very sexy time for us. NOT!



Your King is right, When the babies are here, make sure you take time to be a couple, not just a Mom, and a Dad. We were so paranoid about sitters, and we had no relatives close by, that we never took any time. It was three years before we even had sex again. Then that was because she felt it was time for baby No.2. I love my kids very much, but they did end my marriage. Just don't let that happen!

I understand how your wife felt. When King said that to me I thought he was being perverted. I certainly did not feel sexy. I wasn't able to fit into any of my sexy clothes. He made me feel better when he took me shopping for new things. He knows I am a lingerie freak and I thought being pregnant would mean I would be wearing granny panties. He looked online and went to a few stores and found where we could get sexy maternity lingerie. I felt better after having sexy things and started to feel sexy again. We are making sure that we have support so that we can still feel like a married couple and not just parents. King turned pale when I read your comment to him about the three year drought. I assured him that will not happen with us. I'm sorry your marriage did not do well. King and I talked about planning an extended weekend trip after the babies are born (2 months after) so that we can have some time to ourselves.

Well I wanted to pass on what happened to us. I felt it was avoidable, by wife felt it was just the natural progression. I think being pregnant is somewhat of a turn on, maybe sexy is not the right word, maybe anticipation and excitement would fit better. I made the mistake of reading that silly "Your expecting" book the Dr. gave us. What a bunch of BS. It said to tell your wife how sexy she looks. Well that did not go over well. I was very excited by the idea of a little one growing inside her. Sexy was a poor word. lol

IrishWarrior, I am happy and thankful for what you have shared. It made me see that King wasn't acting like a pervert (though there are many on EP to say strange and disgusting things to pregnant women). He told me that I am sexy when I didn't feel sexy. It was nice to know that you felt the same way about your wife. Reading that was comforting to me. King said the same thing, that he is very excited by the idea of a little one growing inside of me. I agree, sexy does seem to be a strange word to use because women have it ingrained in our mind that sexy means bikini bathing suit and not not having a waistline, having swollen ankles, sore limbs and tender breasts that are too tender to be touched.

I agree with Irish Warrior. That is why I said I wanted to be sure that we make it a priority to have "couple" time so that our marriage does not become "kids first all the time" and "us time" never.

It takes a concerted effort. My wife was so tired, that when we did get time away, she had no interest in us! I told her it is like getting thrown off your horse, You eventually have to remount and ride that horse. It will be tough at first, but very very soon it will be fun again.
My wife told me I was full of ****! lol But in the end I was right!

It is unfortunate that you experienced that in your relationship. King and I had a serious discussion about bringing children into our lives long before I became pregnant. We discuss our marriage goals not just before we got married but on a regular basis to make sure that we are considering them in our decisions. How will doing this affect our marriage? Is this the right time to consider doing this or that (having children, buying a new vehicle, etc.). There are three key elements in having a successful relationship: 1) Communication 2) Listening 3) Planned and Agreed Action. Being pregnant has not been easy. There have been some challenges but I made sure I communicated my concerns to King and he listened to them. He has done the same and I listen to him. We have planned and agreed action when we need it. I have seen how having a family is making us really communicate more with each other. These two little beings are very demanding of my time. There are times when I'm tired and I don't feel like doing anything and that can be disappointing to King when he wants us to get out and go somewhere (art gallery, symphony, ballet, etc.). He recognizes that the babies take a lot out of me. He does things to make sure that my day goes smooth and that helps tremendously in me having a mood to do things. ie, he massages my feet, shoulders, back, helps me get dressed for dinner, is extra patient with me when I'm not feeling great. It is part of the support of being in a marriage.

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Lord, lord lord... I'm sorry but... MEN!! (sorry King!) I'm cracking up as I type this because I completely get it, Wilde...



It's nice that he adores you so much... but sometimes.. sometimes timing is everything ;-)



This was a cute story...

Timing IS everything--especially when it comes to things sexual. One minute you are hot hot hot then he or she does or says something that interrupts the flow and then it is like a plate of very cold scrambled eggs...
He shoulda known when to keep quiet, instead of reveling in his virility...

Ruby, it was sweet and innocent and loving. King has a way about him but it was also a little devilish. I knew what he meant but still, there really is "No more room in the inn."
Bonvivant, I didn't have a problem with it because I know what he meant. It wasn't sexual in the way you would think. King is so happy that we finally got married and finally started a family that he is excited and wants the house to be filled with children, laughter and all the wonderful things that make a family a family.

I'm just a guy who loves his wife and our babies.

This is one reason I had my vasectomy. No problems or worries for either of us. Men do adore women.

I'm not ready to have him undergo that yet.

Thank you dear. I'm not ready to be snipped yet.

ugh, he loves u sooooo tho...jules

Jules, I love her to pieces. Wilde is my snugglewugglebunnyboo.

I thought I was your snugglewugglepumpkinpuss?! You are my snugglewugglebunnyboo. : )

*laugh* Awww. He was flirting with you Wilde...but I do see your POV completely. Thanks for the laugh. :))

I had to remind him that while I'm pregnant, I can't GET pregnant. It wasn't like having sex once makes one baby, having sex twice makes two babies. Once I got him to understand the math and biology, everything was fine. LOL.

Pregnancy, Delivery + 6 weeks. OK. : )

; )

: )