In A Crack, By Dr. Philbilly

One Sunday morning at church we were standing up singing and clapping our hands. I had noticed that when the old woman in front of us stood up, her dress was stuck in the crack of her butt. Poor thing, how embarrassing. The longer I looked at it the more I felt bad for her and the more it just drove me nuts.

So being the gentleman that I am, I gently reached out and pulled it out for her, just a light little tug. She turned around and gave me this, "What in the hell are you doing?" look. I just looked at her and shrugged my shoulders. Melissa was horrified. She leaned over to me and whispered, "What are you doing?". I said "I’m just trying to help the poor thing out but I guess she liked it better when her dress was stuck up her butt".

So I thought about it, and then I thought about it some more and I made a decision that wasn’t the smartest I’ve ever made. I slowly reached my hand out again toward this ladies butt and Melissa said "Don't do it Wayne!" I hesitated for a moment but I just couldn't help myself. I figured by the look that I got from her earlier that she must have wanted the dress stuck right where it was so I stuck the dress right back up her butt, in a gentlemanly was of course. Melissa just died laughing and that’s when I lost it. Even the lady in front of me started laughing never turning around. I thought I was going to have hands laid on me that morning, in more ways than one. I’m just sayin’.
DrPhilbilly DrPhilbilly
41-45
18 Responses Jul 12, 2010

wow ur wild

ha! sure would have come in handy. Like ine of those things the county workers use to pick up trash with lol.

you crack me up.....thats so funneeee....you need one of those claws with the long handle

lol...you should have seen her face when I put it back. Geeeez! You would have thought the world was coming to an "END" ha ha!

blackforrest4u, I love Bean. Sometimes I feel like him lol.

i remembered Mr. Bean, my kids were his fans...hahhahaha..tough act to follow!

lol...some urges need to be controlled tho. shoving a dress up a ladys butt crack in church being at the top of the list lol. The editor at the paper tells me they get alot of good feedback about my stories. Who knew people would love reading about the antics of a half baked redneck lol.

Wow so funny the things we get an urge to do in life you do! lol. I'm glad you get your stories published in the newspaper I bet some people open the paper just to read your stories too.

lmao...I'll just loan you some of that new smell car spray. that should do it lol.

Sheesh ! if I came to your church I'd have to wear a gas mask too. On top of wearing pants.

lmao...just trying to do my part. But no good deed goes unpunished right? lol :) ...btw, u can visit our church anytime. I would just advise wearing pants lol.

LMAO! That was freakishly funny!!! You wanted to unstick a piece of the dress from a butt crack! I'm never sitting in front of you at church Dr. Philbilly!!!

lol...actually my stories are published in several magazines and newspapers. One mag tried to get me to do a stand up show in Birmingham, AL. I'm seriously thinking about it but its a huge jump from writing to standing on a stage lol. Thank you for the compliment tho. Atleast doing stand up I would have to worry about my spelling lmao :)

omg!!! You are so, so funny!! omg! You should be a comedian!! Ah! You have to do standup or something, seriously, I think you have a special ability to be funny!

Linxer...If you cant help people at church who can you help right? lol. I'm always here to lend a helping hand :)

AHAHA! Gosh this made my day! All in a church! <br />
Brilliant Dr. Brilliant. <br />
Thank you for sharing this hysterical story and thank you for being so light hearted as to re-crack her dress for the extra humour zest!

You got that right. I could have gotten hurt between the two of them lol. It was one of those act before you think moments. That what gets me in the most trouble lol.

I can't stop laughing! It's good the lady laughed, and your wife too.