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Linda's Daily Joke...........men Are Like.......

Men Are Like...


Men are like a deck of cards....




You need a heart to love them

A Diamond to marry them

A Club to beat them

And a spade to bury the bastards


linda linda 21-25, F 39 Responses Nov 3, 2006

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Ouch! lol

I Had To Get Naked, And Took Six Of The Best Bare Bottom, The Pretty Dutch Girl Farted, And I Almost Jumped Out Of My Skin!!
Girlie Girl Gave Me Six-Of-The-Best!
Where Fear And Desire Come Together Elegantly And Deliciously
This is my most unselfconscious writing. It really is me, and sounds like me.
Personal experience is always hard-earned and i hope mine is valuable to you.
It was like turning snake venom into healing potion. This is a part of the landscape of my memory, but not of regret.
Martin Luther King always used to say that "unearned suffering is redemptive," but i did not suffer in this case.
I try to reduce ugliness in the world by reducing ugliness in myself, and there is no ugliness in this incident at all, quite the contrary.
I Teased A Pretty Dutch Girl About Her ****, So She Caned Me Where I Sit
Women have such a deep underlying gentleness to them that it so counterbalances the force of a caning that there is no violence to itl
Written on June 12th, 2013
Bare Bottom Bognor Caning Over A Pink Bar Stool By Female Friend!
She farted with the last stroke, grinned, and told me next time it would be right in my face.
I Treated Her Well: Her Last Boyfriend Was a Rectum Wrecker And Cored Her Like An Apple!
What you lack in size you've got to find some way to make up.....

What she did was an act of female power conducting, the opposite of man-hating!
There was nothing detached about it, and i experienced nothing of what she did as being cruel, or in any shape or form wrong.
Like most Dutch girls she is a natural born feminist without ever having to read a word about it: it's in her DNA and I'm glad of it!

(I walked her through similar experiences I had with pro doms years ago; I stopped seeing pros once I learned enough to train amateurs to go through the events with me! This was the first caning Leah ever gave, but certainly not the first one for me to receive. It was much safer than two amateurs going at it for the first time! If you accuse me of taking her "virginity" as a corporal punishment administrator, you must also admit i did get my hide tanned for it!)

Caning was still legal throughout my childhood, and I was horrified of it.
As an adult, one Saturday afternoon in August, naked, I bent over a bar stool and touched the floor in front of me with the tips of my fingers.
The effect was to spread my bare buttocks wide apart completely exposing the sitting muscles, soon for a time to be less comfortable for sitting on.
Dutch pretty, sincerely polite, considerate, utterly charming, ever so girlie girl Leah gave me six-of-the best.
With black electrical tape I had wound around the stem just before the crook handle so as to give her a good grip on it, and to make it a true English school--I had it shipped over from England--"Bognor," she used the 5/16" rattan.
This was the first time she had ever even held a cane in her hands, but she knew what she was doing because she had listened to the instructional audio, Miss Marianne Martindale's "The Art Of Caning."
Strong, flexible, fluid, whippy, good "crack" and a good "fall" to it, there were low whooshes and six loud smacks.
And, six tramlines on my bottom afterwards.
With each stroke, there was a caress across my bare bottom, followed a few seconds later by the pain, a delayed reaction which is peculiar to caning.
The thin red lines stood out for a few days.
It was like she was still with me.
By next Friday there was a scab along the top line.
By Saturday the lines were absolutely gone.
Whenever I sat down, for a couple of days immediately after the tanning, I had a mild raw feeling, like something was missing .
I put an extra cushion on my chair.
That solved the problem.
Not a big deal.
There was no other subsequent discomfort than this tenderness.
By getting it as an act of friendship, I conquered that one terror in my life, much like turning snake poison into an antidote.
The experience gave me power and took none away.

It was a totally satisfying experience for Leah, and that makes it totally satisfying for me.
While using it she felt the cane was a part of her. So did I.
I don't so much feel that the cane was used as that it was shared.
I opened myself to intimacy, and it was quite a forceful connecting, a fusion, a very personal energy going into me.
"I liked everything about it," said she. "I did it on your bare bottom because on the seat of the underpants it would have been like eating a candy with the wrapper on it. I stopped only because I felt sorry for you. I didn't use follow through because I didn't want to cut you in two. You have a cute asphole."
It was more than just a somethingness, a lack of a void.
Pain, and the possibility of transcendence, there is something empowering about having "survived" a good thrashing!
I feel love for Leah, but it isn't.

It is a unique kind of bonding.

It's like she got a piece of me and made it a part of her, but the piece also grew back quickly and without a trace, and I have a piece of her which I treasure as a part of me now.

Thirteen years later, grade ten dropout, two kids by two different men, a never wore her seat belt car accident, god knows how many cigarettes, experimenting with drugs to keep from getting fat, arrested for stealing form her employer, I wonder if she still giggles, and just how aware she is that, as I understand it, no man since has ever been willing to let her do anything at all like what she did with me to him.

Resignation is giving away your power.
Surrender is getting your power back. In no way did I resign myself to the cane, but rather I surrendered myself to it, and just thinking about it right now electrifies me.

She got the right end of the stick for her.
I got the right end of the stick for me.
I feel closer to women for it.

A satisfied woman is always an accomplishment to a man who loves them!
Three cheers!

If you try to hold onto wisdom it will just run through your fingers. The more you share of it, the more you keep.

P.S.

Hey, everyone, have as much fun as you can with spanking games, and that's ALL they are, FUN, for one day you may have diabetes

like me NOW and be under diabetic wound care so you can't play, and have a stream of beautiful women coming to see you but they are V.O.N. nurses who arrive to change bandages and inspect my diabetic ulcers, and nothing more!

So now i admire women as hands on health care providers as well as spankers, and that's ONE blessing!

SO, get out there, spank a man, and save the planet!


One Type Of Cupid's Bow!

drawing

the

bow

the

snap

of

the

string

when

she

shoots

an

arrow

raising

the

cane

the

whoosh

of

the

cane

when

she

starts

a

stroke

huting

she

loves

to

drop

the

meat

on

the

ground

with a

perfect

arrow

kill

and

later

me

on

the

floor

with a

perfect

cane

stroke

Now get out there and do it, or i'll dip your pigtails in an ink well!

PS
(A good strapping of 200-300 whacks i have been told can be given on the backs of the legs, the buttocks and the back, but the cane is too powerful to go
beyond a limited number of the best on the buttocks, i can tell you from personal experience!)
PPS
Couldn't get an erection, small penis, but I have other ***-ets!
"Where's the long arm of the law?" said my ex-wife staring at my privates.
Not much of a package, not a very long marriage.
I am very sure that any woman who wants to assist a man with small penis syndrome would do well to take a very good horsehide razor strap to his bare bottom!
I give women 60 ******* an hour by letting them cane my bare ***!
And i'm enormously happy with it.
It gives me a lot of power. I'm the one who owns the ***.
I am still ************ to the pretty Dutch girl who gave me six of the best back in 1999!
To put it in military terms, sometimes an eighteen shot Swiss made Lugar special will do a better job than a tank cannon!
(Ya, but she sure didn't stay around long!)
Love life, love yourself, enjoy the world from flowers to English school rattan canes and I will feel that my writing this journalistic "scoop" is a complete success.
If I got you laughing or smiling then i am happy and i have succeeded with this reporting, a subject i took at Harvard University Summer School before you were born!

:D

perfecrt,crap,i lost my spade,what do i do now?!?!

yup

Ha ha ha

:-)

I need a club at this very moment... oh oh and not forgetting a spade: can't be leaving any evidence ;)

I have a Bob cat instead of a spade less work

Awesome ! Just too trite.

good one!! I laughed at myself!!

I like it too... :-)

No that wasn't nice

men are like roses,you have to watch out for the ******

Like a nice tile floor.<br />
Lay it properly the first time and you can walk on them forever!!<br />
Ooops!<br />
Did I say that?

Ha...ha....ha....

At least men work right all times of the month. yeah, sucks to suck don't it?

love it love love it

LOL. NIce!

LOL. NIce!

This is funny. But, I'm not going to show my wife. May give her some ideas. ;)

Haha I love it

lolllllllllllllll....true and funny!!!!!!!!

hahahha nice 1

Well, I love it, that's very clever! lol

its just a joke.<br />
the reason you cannot say the same for a woman<br />
is coz they are considered weaker n so it would not be<br />
funny but cruel.

Yea this is Joke Session and youre the only one fail the sense of humor :P

hi..sounds good Your appreciated....God bless you....:)

rofl

I thought it was funny.

liked this - and i agree with cinderelly - this is the joke section