My Mother Taught Me...

My mother taught me-

-To Appreciate A Job Well Done... If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I’m cleaning.
-Religion... You better pray that will come out of the carpet.
-Travel Time... If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into next week.
-Logic... Because I said so, that’s why.
- More Logic... If you fall out of the tree and break your neck, you’re not coming to the store with me.
-Foresight... Make sure you wear clean underwear, just in case you have to go to the hospital.
-Irony... Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.
-Wisdom... When you get to my age, you’ll understand.
-Justice... One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you.
-Roots... Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?
-Genetics... You’re just like your Auntie.
-How To Become An Adult... If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.
-Humour... When that lawn mower cuts your off your toes, don’t come running to me.
-Extrasensory Perception... Put your sweater on, don’t you think I know when your cold.
-Medical Science... If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay like that.
-Receiving... You are going to get it when you get home!
-Osmosis... Shut your mouth and eat your food.
-Contortionist... Will you look at that dirt on the back off your neck?
-Stamina... You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.
-Weather... This room of yours look as if a tornado went through it.
-Hypocrisy... I told you a million times, don’t exaggerate.
-Circle Of Life... I bought you into this world and I’ll take you out of it.
-Behaviour Modification... Stop acting like your father.
-Anticipation... Just wait until we get home.
-Envy... There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.