Why Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs

1. Chicago  Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:  "I wan' all  dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked  about the upcoming season:  "I want to  rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And,  upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say:
"I'd run over my own  mother to win the Super Bowl,"
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To  win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us  like mens. He let us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : "I'm going to  graduate on time, no matter how  long it  takes." (Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football  coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height.."
And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a  circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to  prison: "Why would  anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left  wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his  locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it  is."

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player,  explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at  practice:  "My sister's  expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an  aunt.  (I wonder if  his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12.  Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:  "I asked him,  'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or  apathy?'  He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'

13. Shelby Metcalf,  basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who  received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In  the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
"I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former  Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because  she's too damn ugly to kiss good-bye." 

Gyummy Gyummy
51-55, M
6 Responses May 9, 2012

Great :D

Thanks for commenting, it's appreciated

Wonderful Thanks so much for laughs.

You're welcome!

omg...I can't believe I've never read this! I have been clutching my sides and trying to catch my breath....it took me a while to get through them and actually calm down enough to type :D My little guy keeps asking why I'm laughing....somehow it only makes me laugh harder!

they're all great, but my favorites are #'s 1, 2, 4, 5, 11, & 14. Too funny! I'm still giggling

laughing is contagious, I'm laughing cause you're laughing

These are great! I kind of hope that some of them were said tongue- in-cheek, so to speak, and they aren't all really this incredibly stupid. lol

some are, lol

I laughed out loud. I just love all these, #7,10 and 13 the best!

George W....." The trouble with the French is they do't have a word for entreprenure."