Post

Are You A Cat Lover ?

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behaviour as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew!
HampshireHaystack HampshireHaystack 61-65, M 5 Responses May 13, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

this really made me laugh out loud ... cracking up!!

Laughed so hard reading this that I almost hyperventilated! Good one.

Never had that problem with my dog.

Cats are opportunist thrill seekers. The fuzzy play things must have been so tempting for her. Then making them jerk upwards as she attacked must have made her dig in harder. No wonder you never told them at work!

No, wasn't me - just a story i picked up on another website - but I can appreciate the sentiments !

Lol. Brought tears to my eyes. From laughing that is.

I too can attest to the needle-like sharpness of kitten's claws, though not as a result of such a "confrontation". I was chosen by a 6-weeks old kitten, and not thinking, I simply picked her up and put her into my car to take her back across town to my apartment. The moving vehicle was, of course, something new and terrifying to her, and she decided that the best and safest place to ride during that trip was my chest... front claws dug in at about my shoulder, back claws dug in near my waist. I also learned at this time that this very quiet kitten actually had a very good set of lungs... thought I was going to be deaf by the time I got her home!