The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
iriseyes iriseyes
22-25, F
9 Responses Apr 19, 2007

Really insightful and witty. I will comment on one of your observations: the english word finger is the same as in German. The root verb is "fangen" (pronounced "fahng-en") which means to catch, receive, or grasp something. Anyway, one of the past tense forms of "fangen" is "fing". For some reason, they use the word "Finger" (nouns are capitalized in German) to refer to what we call the finger. So fingers do indeed "fing".

Here is another thing to consider: the word is "kindergarten". That is a completely German expression. The first half of the word ("Kinder") means "children", and the second half of the word ("Garten") does indeed mean "garden".

Now I pose this question, "If the word 'kindergarten' translates to 'garden of children', does that mean babies really are grown from a garden?"

Interesting, DerAdler. It seems so : )

Isnt it a wonderful language?

Still funny : )



Good one. So true. Explains why I still struggle with it after speaking it for 30 years! :)

I'm gonna learn "Strine" he he<br />
Great points btw.

I luvvv the English language. Dus bek houwen!! ;) (sorry)

like these a lot. thanks