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Thank You For Calling The Psychiatric Hotline

Hello, welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1, repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you experience hallucinations, please press 7 on the big pink flying telephone that you, and only you, are seeing on your left.

If you are Schizophrenic, please tell your imaginary friend to press 8.

If you are Manic-Depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are Dyslexic, press 969669969.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 3-7-2-5-4-1-9-3-4-0-1-7-3-8-4-5 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmothers' maiden names.

If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 0.
If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 0.
If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 0.
If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, press 0.

If you have Low Self Esteem, please wait. All our representatives are busy talking to people who are much more important than you.

If you voted for Obama* in the last elections, please hang up. We deal with crazy people, not with a$$hole$.


*put here the name of your favorite politician :)
weirdcolor weirdcolor 36-40, M Jul 11, 2012

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