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Dirty Disney Jokes

Q: Did you hear how Captain Hook died?
A: Jock Itch!

Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A: Gag!

Q: Why do the seven dwarfs laugh when they play soccer?
A: The grass tickles their balls

Q: How do you kill the hunchback of Notre Dame?
A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?"

Q: What did Mulan and her husband name their retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong!

Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frogs finger

Q: Why doesn't Bambi's friend Thumper make noise when he has sex?
A: Because he has cotton balls.

Q: What's pink and has seven dents?
A: Snow White's cherry!

Q: What do Viagra and Disney Land have in common?
A: They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

Q: What does Prince Naveen do when his dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the *** and tell her to get back to work.

Q: Whats the best thing about Pocahontas in the shower?
A: Slick her hair back and she looks 15...

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

Q: Wanna know something about Pinocchio?
A: His nose ain’t the only piece of wood that grows.

Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying,
"Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to **** your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum. She pointed it at him and said, "No you're not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "No I didn't. I said she is ******' Goofy."

Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they had sex. Pinocchio therefore went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

Disney Pick Up Lines

"Let's play Pinocchio. You sit on my face and I'll tell you lies."

"Hi my name is Mickey, and there is nothing Minnie about me!"

"Hey there beautiful, we should go back to my place and play with my toys named Woody and Buzz"

"Girl, let me open your thighs, take you wonder by wonder, over, sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride!"

"Yes, thats a magic lamp in my pants, and if you rub it a genie will come out and grant you wishes!"

"I wish I was Winnie The Pooh, so I can get my nose stuck in your honey pot!"

"Hi I'm Buzz...wanna see my Woody?"

"Let's go back to my place and play with my flubber!"

"Girl, if you get in the backseat of my car, I'll make you squeal like Piglet."

"Is your name Winnie?, because I want to stick it in your pooh!"

"They don't call me thumper for nothing!"

You can be my beauty, I'll be your Beast. Let's go make love, or a ******* at least?

"Is your name Ariel, because I want you to be a party of your worldddddd!"

"I'm a forgetful Dory and I Lost my Nemo can I sleep with you?"

"Boy, how bout I take you home and we can Hakuna Ma-TaTas"

"Hey, there Beauty, the Beast is in my underwear"

"After a night with me you'll want to spend more time in bed than Sleeping Beauty"

The Top Ten Signs You Have An Unhealthy Disney Obsession

10. You know how many hairs are on the leg of the drunken pirate sitting on the bridge.

9. You have more Disney movies than Blockbuster.

8. Your favorite song is "Zippity-Doo-Dah".

7. When you hear people talking about "the underprivileged", you assume they are referring to those who have to stay off-site.

6. You refer to Wal-Mart and McDonald's employees as "cast members".

5. You've added spires and turrets to the roof of your house.

4. You tried to pay your electric bill with Disney Dollars.

3. Your children's names are Ariel and Alladin.

2. You pray that nobody will ever discover your dirty little secret: That you sneak out of bed in the middle of the night, logon to the internet, and drool over online pictures of WDW.
morganonnet2 morganonnet2 51-55, M 1 Response Aug 9, 2012

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