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The Type Of Lover

John and Jill were about to go into his apartment, and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

John says, "Well, give me some examples."

Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key into the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me."

"The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

John proceeds to say, "Well, first, before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
1petitegreeneyes 1petitegreeneyes 46-50, F 51 Responses Aug 31, 2012

Your Response


Great one 😊

Before I lick the lock I gently massage the door for an extended period of time to get it in the mood.

Does the door respond?

Yes, of course - "she" does. Men must take direction and never be in a hurry. After all this is a pleasurable activity so exactly what is the rush? If one does the job properly and with due respect then he will be asked to put his key in the lock much more frequently.

I agree! ;-)

Yes, well so does my Wife who decided that we would make love each morning - EVERY morning. This is what happens when men listen to Women and do a proper job of things. She decided that she wanted to be in control of our sexual life, I was behaving myself properly and was smart enough to know she was right. Who knows more about what feels good to her than she does so it only makes sense to put her in charge and for her to call the shots. I had my doubts if I could keep up to her pace, turns out I could and I still can. I had my doubts if we could keep our interest and passion going and how long could we keep this up - turns out that eight years later we both very much look forward to making love every morning. Turns out that my Wife is a VERY wise woman. I am healthier than ever, my prostate is as good at 57 as it was when I was eighteen, I have NEVER had E.D. I am slimmer, she is amazing with the same body she had when I met her, not one pound more on her frame, she has had zero symptoms of menopause other than not having a period, no pain ever, no lack of lubrication and no loss of libido. The quality of our marriage is amazing - let me tell you if you start off each day making love you will consider any issue you might have carefully before you have a disagreement with the one you just had an ****** with. We are more caring and simply more respectful and considerate towards one another and we do not take each other for granted. We understand with precision that we are blessed.

You both are certainly blessed. I envy you both.....

I do not write about what we do to invoke jealousy but to inspire and instruct others to emulate our example.

This is very good inspiration indeed. It is much appreciated!

4 More Responses

Fecking hilarious! :'))

someone check the hygiene level please!
Get the anti-bacterial spray right now!
haha lols.

LOL...Doesn't sound all that sanitary :)

Good punch line.

I like the way he unlocks the door.

LOL! :)

I'd lick the lock...while she licks the key!

Love it, best way to open a lock !

ohh...great answer, I would lick it tooo.... : ))

Hehe, I wouldn't lick the lock. You never know what crawled on it. lol

Ha ha ha! LOL You are funny! lol

=) I lick something else... lol

:) :)

A man after my own heart ;-)

A man that enjoys locks.

No, a man who enjoys licks! and I do enjoy getting my tongue into some tight places ;-)

Too funny! My kind of guy definitely. Thanks for the laugh.

*smile *


LOL ! That's cute !

love it thanks for sharing!

I think I like this John (wink)!!!!

Ha ha ha, Me too.


Too funny!

Funny!... but not witty !!..

Good one, but now you got me thinking about wanting to lick your lock! Or is it a combination lock? I'm very good with my digits, you know!

Congrats to you on the got a rare audible chuckle from me

Thanks! LOL I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Well, it is my first time to hear this, and I did smile, thanks for the telling

very nice

Nice and just what a woman wants to hear......

hmmmm naughty

I have seen this is so many different variations it is no longer funny

To some of us, it's the first time..................*smile*

good one. I like the way he thinks!!!


This was so funny, yet erotic.

What has a mouth but can't talk .<br />
A bed but never sleeps .<br />
A mouth but can't speak .

Well I'll be thats how I unlock my door *smiles*

...Now, that is too funny. Good one.

LOL hahahhahaah

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh lol Joe is that you lol

Funny, funny, funny!

LOL that's a cracker ;)

That's funny. In reality I would simply say don't judge me by the way unlock the door or you will miss out.

That's a gpod one:)

Oh ****.

LMAO!!!<br />
<br />

VERY GOOD !!!!!!!!!!

that is true indeed.

OMG I can't stop laughing! Thank you for brightening up my day! XDDDD

...then, when I think "she's" ready, I slo-o-o-o-w-ly slide it inside, but just a little, before pulling it out. She creaks in protest. After doing this three or four times, I finally slide it All the way in, twisting and turning, until she becomes completely unhinged, and opens wide!<br />
<br />
Then, on to the closet.

but my name isnt John...hehe not even going the lock or the door that is.......

John has his act together for certain. lol


Your cracking me up this morning girl! Have a great day!

I thought it was hilarious that I had to share! lol