I, the Penis hereby request a pay raise for the following reasons:
I do physical labour
I work at great depths
I plunge headfirst into everything I do
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a damp place with poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contageous diseases.
Dear P. Ness
After asssessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow orders from management.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take the initiative- You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing protective clothing.
You will be retiring well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your task.
And if that were not all, you've been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious- looking bags.