Deciphering The SexesWhat a woman says, what she really means...
~ I need = I want
~We need = I want
~It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
~Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
~We need to talk = I need to complain
~Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
~I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
~You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
~You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
~I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
~Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
~This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
~I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
~I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
~I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
~Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
~How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
~I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
~Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
~You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
~Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
~Yes = No
~No = No
~Maybe = No
~I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
~I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
~Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
~Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
~I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!
What a man says, what he really means...
~I'm hungry = I'm hungry
~I'm tired = I'm tired
~Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
~Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
~Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
~Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
~Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
~You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
~What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
~You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
~Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
~Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
~I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!