Priests And Nuns

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come this way before"; the second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

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Mother superior at the grocery: "I would like to have 120 bananas for the convent."
Salesman: "If you buy such a large quantity, it is more economic to buy 144 of them."
Mother superior: "Oh well, we could always EAT the other 24."

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Choirboy 1: Hi! I have to go to confession today, and I'm a bit worried. You know this priest a long time already. What would he give for committing sodomy?
Choirboy 2: That's two chocolate bars.

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A priest asks a nun if he can walk her back to the convent. She says,
"Just this once." Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her.
She replies, "Well, alright, as long as you don't get into the habit."

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Two nuns are walking down an alley at night. Two guys jump out and start raping them.
The first nun looks to heaven and says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing." The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!"

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Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven. Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter
told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if she had ever sinned. "Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun. Peter asked her,
"Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"

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One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was
walking by and said "Wow what a ******* fish!" The sister said "Sir you
shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun", and the man said "But that's
the name of it: a ******* fish".

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Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.
St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?"
1st nun : "Adam and Eve"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?"
2nd nun : "An apple"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.
And finally it came the turn of the last nun.
St. Paul : "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?"
After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!"
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!


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Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth
grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes
grow wide and she barks: "What the (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb) did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of
relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"


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Three nuns are walking down the street, when a man jumps out and flashes
them.
The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, the third one
didn't touch him.


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T
A priest decides to pay a visit to a nearby convent. The convent is in a run-down neighborhood, and as the priest walks down the street several prostitutes approach and proposition him.
"Twenty bucks a trick!"
These solicitations embarass the priest who lowers his head and hurries on until he gets to the convent. Once inside he displays his naivete by asking the Mother Superior, "What is a trick?"
She answers, "Twenty bucks -- just like on the outside!"

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deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

OK dude...you are going to make me post my pearly gate joke...sigh... ;-)

What a collection...,wow..... got me chuckling though......:-)

Oh dear.....so I posted it..... not really about the pearly gate- and I am worried about where this is going...yikes......

very funny realy made me smile thank you