The three dimensions of a credit card are, length, width and debt.

Seeing a spider is nothing, It becomes a problem when it disappears.

A man at a job interview is told he's got the job.
He will be paid12.000 to start and 20.000 after 6 months.
"Excellent," replies the man. "I come back in 6 months."

If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?

Kid's writing in their own words, explanation of things in the Bible:
(no spelling corrections)

-Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wife's and 700 porcupines

-It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tome-stone off the entrance.

-The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

-Jesus was born because of immaculate contraption.

-The Egyptians were all drowned in the desert, Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

-Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire at night.

-Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

-When the three wise guys from the east arrived, they found Jesus in a manager.

-The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

All should live so long as to be this kind of man!

Towards the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you  have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister repeated the question.

All responded this time, except one guy, Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

"Mr. Barnes it's obviously not a good day for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr Barnes how old are you?"

"Ninety-eight, "he replied.

The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you like to come down front and tell us how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" 

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned to the congregation, and said simply,"I outlived all them a**holes."

He calmly returned to his seat.   

thesower thesower
Dec 3, 2012