15 Signs That Santa Is Actually A Woman

15. Santa *remembers* it's Christmas. 'Nuf said.
14. Reads children's letters in office instead of in bathroom.
13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that's the problem!
12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, "Regis and Santa Lee."
11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
10. "Mrs. Claus" wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a '68 El Camino.
9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
7. Bowl full of jelly, my ***. It's water retention.
6. Constantly whining about equality until it's time to clean out the reindeer stalls.
5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like that!
4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
2. The North Pole Blockbuster's been out of "The Horse Whisperer" for weeks.
1. With the way they build chimneys these days you'd *have* to be Calista friggin' Flockhart just to get in!
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6 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Bwahahahah!!!! I need to start digging- you are on a roll... :-)

LOL...hmmm..now you got me thinking. You make some very good points. Especially peeing of the rooftops!

This was a total riot to read!! Thanks for sharing it....I'll be laughing for the rest of the day over it now!

Opus, what am I going to do with you, send you back to Bloom County ?.

Calista Flockhart, Wow, haven't seen or heard that name in a while.

#3 convinced me. Great post!