Some Prayers

Woman’s Prayer
God give me tolerance for my husbands stupidity, give me wisdom to understand him, give me forgiveness to forgive him of his ignorance, but please God I beg of thee don’t give me strength cause I’ll kill him!

A Man’s Prayer
A man walked along a California beach deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so anyone can drive over anytime they want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify Me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "Do you want lights on that bridge?"

Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

An Old Ladies Prayer
In church on Sunday, I overheard this little old lady in the pew next to me saying a short private prayer. It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share it with you:

Dear Lord,
These past couple of years has been tough.... You have taken my favorite Actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite Cowboy James Arness, my favorite athlete Bob Feller, my favorite singer Lena Horne and my favorite salesman Billy Mays.
I just wanted you to know that my favorite president is Barack Obama.

Woman's Prayer - 2
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who is handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
When he says he'll call, he won't wait weeks,
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed,
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more,
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
And knows what to answer to "How big is my behind?",
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never ever attempt to hit on my friend.

Man's Prayer - 2
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge breasts,
Who owns a liquor store and a boat,

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9 Responses Dec 27, 2012

Lovin' these-----you are back !!! and on a roll... :-)

*giggles* and more *giggles* That was great.

Gave me a good chuckle, Ronanp...

And here's the thing.... some people really do pray nearly like this!!!
Just in case prayer for specific crazy stuff really works, I always tell God to ignore what other people might pray for on my behalf....I'll do my own asking.... ;-)

Amen to Woman's Prayer - 2, lol. Nice collection there ronan ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿

Seem like you're in luck ......... I know someone that matches your wishlist. As we're mate ronan, I'm gonna send her a text msg. Your prayers have been answered, *Hands Raised* Praise the Lord, lol.

Preach ronan, Preach, LMAO (and as it's Christmas there's a whole load to laugh off) heheheee..

Very uplifting. TY!

Awesome clean humor. I loved it.

Well at least u have a husband

Now those are funny! thanks