You Don't Meet My Needs
A guy and his girlfriend were getting into bed. Their passion began to heat up when all of the sudden she said, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me." He said, "WHAT?! What was that?!" She said, "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to the puzzled look on his face by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, he went to sleep. The next day he took off work to spend time with her. They went out to lunch and then went shopping at a big department store. She tried on several very expensive outfits, but couldn't decide on which one to buy so he told her they could just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to go with the new clothes and he told her, "Let's get a pair of each new outfit." Then they went to the jewelry counter where the picked out a new pair of diamond earrings. She asked for a tennis bracelet as well, which made him think that maybe she was testing him. But he threw her for a loop and said, "That's fine, honey." She was nearing sexual satisfaction from all the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all, dear. Let's go to the cashier." He could hardly contain himself when he blurted out, "No baby, I don't feel like it." Her face went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?!" He said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while! You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." Just when she had this look like she was going to kill him, he replied, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not for what I can buy you?" She threw the stuff down on the counter and stormed out of the store. Just before he followed her out, and turned to the cashier and said, "Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either, but at least now she knows that I'm smarter than her!"