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To Have and To Hold..........

Life is too short NOT to laugh

  • A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

    "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

    The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, Etc.

    The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
    He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face? "

    She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
    The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long I'll be right back. I promise.

    OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

    "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
    "You want dirty words, cutie pie?...

    "LISTEN UP **** HEAD! DRINK YOUR ******* BEER IN YOUR DAMNED FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
    ************* SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
    GOT IT, *******?"
    ...and, they lived happily ever after


     
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sparklingdiamonds sparklingdiamonds 31-35, F 16 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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Lolo...You can only "Push it" so far with a Woman...When she reaches for the *Iron skillet* across your Head....Use that Frosted Mug to reduce the "Swelling"....:=)

Woman comes downstairs to see her dyslexsic husband putting black shoe polish on his **** the wife took one look and said I told you to put the clock back!smile best one i,ve heard in a while

:-) funny

yup! thats what happens

Reminds me of the old Country song, " I'm gonna hire a wineo to decorate our home"

Reminds me of the old Country song, " I'm gonna hire a wineo to decorate our home"

I'd still go down the pub! lmao :-)

you would!!!

Coming with me, my treat? :-)

oh well..if you inisist...just the one...LOL

hey..which Brit comedy was that from??..some woman dowing the sherry and insisting it was "just the one..or only the one" remember a bit from childhood..

"On The Up" comedy show, circa 1990/92, she was the cook, Mrs Wembley, who accepted a sherry with the catch phrase "Just the One"! Had to Google it myself to find the name, but I well remember the programme. :-)
See you down the pub shortly, lol

Thats the one....it was hilarious

Love all the oldies .... Open All Hours, Dad's Army, Porridge, Faulty Towers, Waiting for God, Are You Being Served, etc. Nothing to touch 'em these days!

4 More Responses

hahahahaha!

Made me laugh!!!!

Got beer in your fridge? If so I'll be right over skip the rest lol

yes real German beer..not the afore mentioned gnats..p***

Haha very funny... had me a coochie cooh!

Lol..Funny..Thanks for sharing..

Thank You for reading & rating up..

LOL! They do say the key to a successful marriage is setting clear expectations and communication. Seems she read the book.

yep..you gotta admire her style...not that I'D ever use language like that of course....

OMG!!! This is a RIOT!! I sort of wanna print it out and hang it up somewhere!! The ninja dudes and trainers would all get a total kick out of it.....well...maybe not ALL of them but I'd have a blast watching their reactions!! This gets my official ***AWESOME JOKE STANDING OVATION*** for today!! :DD

*** hubs just read it over my shoulder and he is totally cracking up over it!!***

Thanks Sie...

Poor lad but I'm a bad girl and laughed my fat arse off! *roflmao*

lol

Very funny joke! I do hope he stayed home!

probably did..if he was fond of the habit of breathing lol