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"why Don't You Please Shut Up??"



"A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up from her knitting she says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
She smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
"Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket," the driver responds.
His wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And, as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
(Wait for it ..... )

"Only when he's been drinking, officer.""

valobasa4ever valobasa4ever 31-35, F 79 Responses Jan 20, 2013

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Love it 😊

I would sell my wife to a middle east sex ring.

I bet if the wife in this story could sell her husband to a middle east sex ring she would. Let's not make a joke out of sex slaves? Kind of an icky don't you think?

Let's face it the guy had been drinking speeding and probably would gave killed her so its hilarious because the as**ole deserved it!

The whole joke was icky.

Yes it was passive aggressive behavior sucks a** and should be severely punished. Lol SELL the grandmother

Huh?

She sounds like a grandmother knotting while her crabby old drunk of a husband tries to drive. Isn't that what you wanted to do? Lol sell granny? She would fetch much you know

No no, I meant you use a past participle, and a present parricide in the same prepositional phrase. Was just trying to make sense there.

No no, that's not it, I got that. Its just that you used a past participle, and a present participle in the same prepositional phrase.

I stand corrected.perhaps you should read my poem about poo? Lol yes verb tenses should always be the same and those darn prepositional phrases always leave people with a dangling participle huh lol dangley dangle

Yeah, I just read it. Good stuff, just the kind of debauchery I have grown accustomed to here on E.P. Just aittle envious I didn't think of it first. That is funny, gross, but funny

Oh my a man who appreciates my use of satire in a venue of crude humor? And corrects my grammar? Where have you been all my life lol

Okay, now that was funny.

I love chaucer

Chaucer was debauchery in his day talking bout his nether yay so I daresay if middle English potty mouths (pun) were revered after centuries perhaps my donation to outhouse literacy will be appreciated for decades to come? Lol

Correct me some more. Make me do it over and over until I get it right lol. Now THAT'S a joke :) teachers rule

You're right.the joke is icky. He's drunk driving jerk and she's a passive aggressive beach. This joke isn't really funny at all and neither is sex slavery

Finally after all these months someone finally gets it. I was trying to use satire in a venue of crude humor to expose the tastlessness of the joke.

Albeit kinda amusing.

I did get it. Am I the one? Lol me like poo

You dangling that participle my way baby? I'm an ex English teach and that's so HOT lol

16 More Responses

LMFAO... this was great ...

omg
wow
so funny

Thank You (-: for reading....

Love to see that happening for real

That was the limit. This is a joke that anyone can enjoy no matter what age.

ROFL!!! :)))

XD

LOL! :)

very good

Thank You (-:

Regards

roflmao

This is really a good one! :)))

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...love it!

hahaha....good joke!

ChipperchicThanksYouForTheLAughHAHa

Welcome... (-:

This is a ripper. thank you.

That wife has style.

This sounds like something I would do when I'm older.

Best wishes...

(hugs)

Thanks,

LMAO

Wouldn't she be charged to for allowing him to drive intoxicated?

nah the officer would probably have appreciated it so much he'd let her go!

Wives.....don't you just love 'em?

:-) ...

HAHAHAHAHA :)

;-))

Funny

This is definitely one of the better jokes on EP..... However for someone it must have been a true story...

My imagination on how the story could have gone further... :-)

*Writes out fourth ticket*
"So tell me Ma'am... anything else I should know about your husband?"

5 minutes later...

*The officer slams the driver against the side of car and handcuffs him*

great imagination Power ...
Hats off.. (:

Well, it was sort of going in that direction. :-)

Yowza!!! I guess payback is a witch with a capital B!!!! Too funny.

haha .. . who needs enemies when you have a blabbering wife.

o mha goh this is high-larious u r 1 clever cookie ;]

;-))

HAHAHA Awesome...goodone :D

Thank you ... :))

Is she blond?!

LoL... its secret ... ;-))

Is the driver?

No that was way to funny hehehe .

:))

wait a minute...this is not so funny....how do you know my wife?!?

R u dialing 911 ..!!!

He was bangin her when you went to jail the last time she blabbed lol

Good one!

Thank You .. :)

Beechara husband :))))

LoL.. ;-)))

U know Hindi ..!!! :-D

yup , hindi marathi gujrati english and a little spanish :)

wow .. just wow ...

hehe not a wow thing .... :P its casual :)

No... its not ...
trust me.. :-))
Its really a tough one...

2 More Responses

LMAO.

;-)))

Ahahaha nice

Thank YOU ;-))

:-)

:-))

I think I'd be getting a divorce when I got out of jail lol

LOL..

nice said ..


xoxoxo

I'd never drink in the first place, I'm a christian so I don't believe in drinking alcohol plus I see what it did to my uncle, he's 1 or 2 years sober but still. If I got married in the first place I would love her enough to never leave he

Aw you got it right little man.

Brilliant

Haha

:))

thank you i need a good laugh

very nice joke.thanks to give me reason to laugh more and more

You're welcome... :-))

LOL.....very funny

lol oh god i almost died laughing from this too funny

Lmao

Wow that really did make my lol, that was great.

This was GREAT

Lol I like this one :D

Thanks I needed a good laugh

XD XD

Lol - good story - well written.

Thank You...

Cute:)

Lol

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

hahaha... wonderful..

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

:) laughing....

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

So Good! laugh my face off

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

Such perfection. XD

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

Such perfection. XD

You must seize the window of opportunity! LOL

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

paybacks are hell... ;)

I like that - very funny

Soo soo funny!! (and so awkward too) =P

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

haha thats great!

That's just wrong. lol!

This is hilarious! Please post more!

That's perfect..............................

Good one!

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
The driver's wife is in the passenger seat kitting. Not looking up from her knitting she says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
She smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
"Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket," the driver responds.
His wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And, as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
(Wait for it ..... )

"Only when he's been drinking, officer.""

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAHAHHAAHA HILARIOUS!

Literally made me laugh out loud. My coworkers are gonna love hearing that one tomorrow!!!! Thanks for sharing!

Thank YOu..

xoxoxo

very funny , thanks for posting it

ROFL... I didn't see that coming.... great one !

Quality. Like it.

Lol that's too funny!

;-)))

Love this!!!!

Im really glad.. :-))

xoxoxo

Excellent!

Thank You... :-))

lolz

Wow awesome :)

Thank YOU... :-))

:)

Perfect wife... ;P

are U sure about that .. ;-))) LoL

of course..she is indeed a wife material :P

hahahha.. ;-)))