Kids Test On the Bible

 THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE
> BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN
> RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN
> LEFT IN.
>
>
>
>
> 1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD
> GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE
> SABBATH OFF.
>
>
>
> 2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
> NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND
> THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
>
>
> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY,
> BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
>
>
>
>
> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT
> HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC
> GENITALS.
>
>
>
> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED
> ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
>
>
>
> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF
> THE APOSTLES.
>
>
>
> 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY
> MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY
> INGREDIENTS.
>
>
>
> 8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
> AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET
> THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>
>
> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO
> EAT THE APPLE.
>
>
>
> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
> ADULTERY.
>
>
>
> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN
> JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>
>
> 12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN
> JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED
> HIM.
>
>
>
> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT
> PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A
> RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>
>
> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND
> 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>
>
> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS,
> SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
>
>
> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE
> ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
>
>
>
> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
> CONTRAPTION.
>
>
>
> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS
> HEAD.
>
>
>
> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO
> DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO
> EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
>
>
> 20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD
> AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>
>
> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED
> THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>
>
> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>
>
> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS
> ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>
>
>
> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED
> HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>
>
> 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS
> CALLED MONOTONY.
>
>
>
>
mflatham mflatham
56-60, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2007

Haha! I think they should make the bible a little easier to read for kids! :)

HAHAHA. sooo good :P lol, and so religiously incorrect. hahhaa