Here's a few one-liners i heard on TV last night:
Do you know how they say that everyone has a double? Well, they don't if it's MY bloody round!
Morris dancing - Ring any bells?
A cowboy walked into a German car-dealership. He said "Audi".
Tell you what makes my blood boil; crematoriums.
Went into the butchers the other day & he says to me, "I bet you a tenner you cant reach that meat up there." I said, "I won't do it; the steaks are too high"
He's a right big-headed bastard isn't he - humpty dumpty.
Oh and he's a right dark horse too - black beauty.