Irish Jokes

An Irishman came home unexpectedly and found his wife in bed with his best friend.

He was so distressed that he rushed to the drawer, took out a revolver and pointed it to his head.

"I can't take this," he cried.
"My wife and my best friend in bed together. I'm going to shoot myself".

At this, the wife began to laugh.

"I don't know what you're laughing at," said the Irishman.
"You're next."

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An Irish husband and wife were both keen golfers. The wife was feeling neglected and wanted to know how much he loved her.

"If I die tomorrow", she said, "and you remarried, would you give your
new wife my jewellery?"

"What an awful thing to ask" exclaimed the husband. "But no, of course not"

"And would you give her any of my clothes?"

"No, honey, of course not"

"What about my golf clubs?"

"No, she's left handed"

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A newly married Irish couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would have to come from his rear end.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


mflatham mflatham
56-60, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2007

*chuckle*<br />
<br />
*chuckle*<br />
<br />
*guwaff!*