The Zen of Sarcasm



 1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.


 2 . It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

 4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

 5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

 7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes

 8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

 9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

 10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

 11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

 12. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

 13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

 14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

 15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

 17. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

 18. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

EBunbury EBunbury
46-50, M
5 Responses Feb 11, 2009

They were good and there were some Mark Twain in there. Just remember no. 1. lol

i liked it all :)

17 should be EP's motto.

Poor thing.

I liked 7, 8, and 9. And 19 sounds like good advice. There were 20, but I threw the rude one out.