Life Is Too Short...dance Naked

TO MY DEAR WIFE:
       During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
       I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
       days.
       The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
       54 times the sheets were clean
       17 times it was too late
       49 times you were too tired
       20 times it was too hot
       15 times you pretended to be sleep 
       22 times you had a headache 
       17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
       16 times you said you were too sore
       12 times it was the wrong time of the month
       19 times you had to get up early
       9 times you said weren't in the mood
       7 times you were sunburned
       6 times you were watching the late show
       5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 
       3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
       9 times you said your mother would hear us
       Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
       6 times you just laid there
       8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
       4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
       7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 
       1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
       KEEP READING.......
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       TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
       I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you
       did:
       5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat  
       36 times you did not come home at all 
       21 times you didn't ***
       33 times you came too soon
       19 times you went soft before you got in
       38 times you worked too late
       10 times you got cramps in your toes
       29 times you had to get up early to play golf
       2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
       4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
       3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
       2 times you had a splinter in your finger
       20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
       6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
       98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on TV
       Of the times we did get together:
       The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
       I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my
       back or kneeling?" 
       The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

dasmuggler dasmuggler
36-40, M
2 Responses Feb 22, 2009

poor husband HA HA

The poor cat.