Dear Santa Letters

Dear Santa,
>I wud lika a kool toy spce ranjur for Xmas.  Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
>Yer Frend
>BiLLy
>
>Dear Billy,
>Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare.  How about I
>send
>you a book so you can learn to read and write?  I'm giving your
>older brother the space ranger. At least he can spell.
>Santa
>
>******************************************************
>
>Dear Santa,
>I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and
>joy in the world for everybody!
>
>Dear Sarah,
>Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
>Santa
>
>*****************************************************
>
>Dear Santa,
>I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
>and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
>Love Teddy
>
>Dear Teddy,
>Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
>Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who
>rides his *** constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you
>some nice Legos instead.
>Santa
>
>****************************************************
>Dear Santa,
>I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
>kit, a pony and a tuba.
>Love, Francis
>
>Dear Francis,
>Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay .
>Santa
>
>*****************************************************
>Dear Santa,
>I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your
>reindeer outside the back door.
>Love, Susan
>
>Dear Susan,
>Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
>riding
>in the sleigh.  Do me a favor . Leave me a bottle of scotch.
>Santa
>******************************************************
>
>Dear Santa,
>What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
>Your friend
>Thomas
>
>Dear Thomas,
>All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most
>of my time making low-budget ***** films.  I unwind by drinking myself
>silly
>and squeezing the ***** of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the
>crap table. Hey , you wanted to know.
>Santa
>
>****************************************************
>
>Dear Santa,
>Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
>like
>the song?
>Love, Jessica.
>
>Dear Jessica ,
>Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
>your house.
>Santa
>
>****************************************************
>
>Dear Santa,
>Can I please, please, please, please, please have a puppy?
>Your friend Timmy.
>
>Timmy,
>That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
>work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
>Santa
>
>****************************************************
>
>Dearest Santa,
>We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
>Love, Marky
>
>Dear Mark,
>First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ***
>whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
>low-rent
>apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars
>do, through your bedroom window.
>Sweet Dreams,
>Santa
>