Even The Unlikeliest Topics Can Be Funny
What happened to the short-sighted circumcisor? He got the sack.
Two five year old boys are standing at the potty to pee.
When one says, " Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!"
" I've been circumcised." Says the second boy.
" What does that mean?"
"It means they cut the skin off the end."
" How old were you when it was cut off?"
" My mom said that I was two days old."
" Did it hurt?"
" You bet it hurt, I couldn't walk for a year!"
Rabbi Bloom from London is visiting two friends in America. One is a priest and the other a Pentecostal preacher. As soon as they meet up, they start to talk shop. Their discussion centres on whether preaching to people is really that hard. They quickly agree that a real challenge would be to preach to a bear and they decide to experiment. Each would go into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.
A week later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Carroll, who has his arm in a sling and is on crutches, speaks first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods, found a bear and began to read to him from the Baltimore Catechism. Unfortunately, the bear wanted nothing to do with me and begun to slap me about. I quickly grabbed my holy water and, the saints be praised, he became very subdued. My bishop is coming out next week to give him his first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He is in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts. "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle – we dunk. I found a bear and began to read to him from God's Holy Word. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. Up and down the hills we wrestled until we come to a creek where I quickly dunked and baptised him. He immediately became very subdued and we spent three days in fellowship, praising God's Holy word."
They both then look down at Rabbi Bloom who is lying in a hospital bed, is wearing a full body cast, is in traction and has IVs and monitors running in and out of his torn body. Rabbi Bloom looks up at his two friends and says, "When I found a bear, I found preaching to him very easy. But Oy Vay, did he get touchy about the circumcision!”
Morris was a very uneducated man, but by ruthless means became very rich. The older Morris got, the richer he got, the richer he got, the more women he had, the more women he had, the less use he was to them.
One day, Morris went to the top surgeon in the business and said, “I want to be castrated.”
“You want to be WHAT?”
“I said castrated, my sexual powers are failing. I insist you operate at once.”
The surgeon was a bit dubious, but in view of this last statement, and for a fee of £2,000, he carried out the operation.
Some weeks later, Morris was drinking in his local pub, listening to the conversation at the next table.
“I say, Barney,” said one of the group, do you think there’s any truth to the rumour that if a man gets himself circumcised, it improves his sexual performance?”
Morris quickly left the pub muttering to himself “Circumcised, that was the word I’ve been trying to think of.”