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Retaphin

Are you experiencing back pain, headaches, fever, condom hate, dead parents, wind deficiency, or stomach punch?  Have you ever suffered from depression, swallowed food, punched a lesbian, climbed a tree, climbed a no-tree, or cry-farted?  Are you white, black, Chinese color, Polish-American, American Ninja, Tiger Woods, a tiger in the woods, or a tiger in James Woods?  If you are experiencing all, some, or some of none of these symptoms, you should ask your doctor about Retaphin!

Retaphin has been proven to increase pet ownership by 76% while significantly reducing hair color.  Tests have shown that Retaphin cures depression and silly '80s robot body in most patients and can also help you concentrate, walk-swim, sideways walk-swim, fall in love, invent a word for head cover objects such as "hasp" or "thumbcaca," lift weights, lift Tom Waits, tune a guitar, tune a human, fake time travel, and much, much more!  Tired of looking like this?  In just under two weeks, Retaphin will give you nipple moustaches!  

If you've ever had to stop peeing because you thought your face was on fire, then you need Retaphin.  If you've ever tried to describe a black co-worker to a friend without referring to his skin color for fear of sounding racist, then you need Retaphin.  If you've ever had Retaphin, then you need Retaphol!

WARNING:  Retaphol does not reduce penis hole pain.

What are you waiting for?

The bus.

No you're not.

Yes I am.

Then why aren't you wearing pants?

Darn, you're good.

Come down to the Retaphin store this Saturday, and enjoy live music featuring DJ Paraplegic!

Just listen to what people who have just been maced are saying about Retaphin:

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!  I CAN'T THINK BECAUSE MY EYES HURT SO MUCH!

Tell your friends about Retaphin, and if you don't have friends, watch a DVD of Friends and we'll send you the Sneeze Button!  Also available, the Appreciate P. Diddy Button!  So ask your doctor about Retaphin, and make your dreams come True Lies.

Retaphin - Now available with every purchase of True Lies on DVD or Blu-Ray.  Side effects include heart explosions, capital punishment, breast eyes, and in some cases, the belief that itchy skin is a gun.
RopinTexan RopinTexan 22-25, M Apr 27, 2012

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