Learning From Kung-fu
now I understand. When my Sifu told my father that if I would come home and seem distraught that,that was normal. He realized this before I did..that I have come to a point where I am facing something I have hid from...the idea that I could be confident. That my shyness wasn't permanent and so coming to this point I had to face the fact that how I have thought ever thought of myself since I started school was wrong. I am coming to a contradicting moment..stage in my life and I will as my Sifu said be frustrated and a bit on edge. Which lasted for awhile but now I can see it more clearly how things didn't have to be so hard. That I made things more dificult than needed. This is why I love being a martial artist. this is why I love wing chun and my training brother,kwoon and my Sifu.
this branch of kung-fu is based on simplicity....where others give,give and give while wing chun gives then takes away till you come down to the core concept. And this spreads to my life on the outside of the Kwoon. Now that I am at a level that I can help my Sifu show things,moves and drills I am starting to feel like I breached something. A feeling of competence,confidence and a feeling of like I have something to offer to the juniors. This is another process that amazingly helps me add one more piece to the puzzle and helps me understand what I did not before and relives some weights off me.
....now I also understand what Sifu means when you just start to learn at a gold sash level. for I am at the level where you just start to help out and show things...not teach but just show and in doing that I am put in the spot that I used to look up to and be nervous around. now I am in the that position experiencing what I tried to understand when I was younger.
when I was a junior looking at my senior observing me. all I could imagine is they were judging me..looking for a mistake or thinking I was not good. now being in that position,as I look at my juniors I focus on what they are doing and hoping they make a mistake which would give me a chance to help them and when that chance comes and I do and they improve slowly I am very happy,and when my sifu mentions he notices improvement. so the time I was worrying before and knowing what I think when I observe the juniors relives me of worry. For when I worry or think that someone is thinking something harsh of me I know that,trully that is what I think of myself. I am projecting my fears and judgments onto others.
....it is truly amazing how kun-fu has opened my eyes...how much I have learned about myself and how I have learned to trust others. my kung-fu family are like a real family we watch each others backs,help each other out...I could not ask for anything better!