I Love Life and Learning
Every one has a plan for the future. Consciously or unconsciously we decide everything and everyone we want to do and have in future. Well, I was no different. I had a plan too and there was no way any one could convince me to alter my future plans.
As a child I could only think of my ultimate career goal. I wanted and still want to be an Astronaut. I imagined myself several times sitting in that space ship and flying to space. Earth was too small for me. I wanted to reach the sky and go even beyond into the endless universe. I could do anything to reach my goal and being a ardent believer in God, I thought I was born to be an Astronaut and god will lead me through this. And so did he, at least so far! Born in a small town in India, I could never possibly imagine myself in US for my Bachelor's studies. I never knew my parents would co operate with me during my struggle to achieve my goal and I would get the opportunity to study in one of the best colleges in the world for Aerospace Engineering.Call it god's grace or my parent's love that bought me to US. Though US proved to me as a bit of a disappointment. Before coming to US I had so many dreams and plans about working for NASA or at least have an internship for NASA till the time I am all prepared to apply for the post of an Astronaut. But on reaching US, I realized that it is not possible to work with NASA until you have a citizen of US. Well, I love my country India and I would never want to give up my Indian citizenship. This caught me into moral dilemma. Meanwhile, my grades started going down. Being a scholarly student all life, this came as a shock to me. I could figure out what could I possibly do to pull up my grades. Also, certain life events which were the result of my pre-planning and God led me depression for a good amount of time.
As you grow up you start wonderful who your soul mate would be. You think of your dream guy/girl and plan the moments you are going to share once you find them. And once you have them, you start planning the rest of your life with them. This is what happened when I met Parth, who I thought was sent by God. I had thought that he is the perfect guy I could ever be with. He meant world to me and the fact that we would have never met if for his friend who liked me and wanted to ask me out and he seeked his helped for that, made me believe that it wasn't a mere coincidence that we met but it was god that wanted us to meet. That is how I was first introduced to him and that is where our story started. We fell in deep love with each other in a very short amount of time. I changed him in many good ways and so did he. when we both were together we needed no one else. we had planned our days hours and even seconds together. I knew he was my soul mate and we were meant to be together. So I planned my whole life with him. I planned my marriage, our kids , our first house, our jobs, us getting old and everything that could possible happen in our lives. Everything was so perfect. But perfection isn't perfect itself! after 4 hours of happy relationship we broke up or I broke up with him.
The break up process was so hard for me because I had never planned my life with him. Taking him out of that plan seemed so impossible to me. When planning a presentation taking a slide or two isn't so difficult but taking all the slides destroys the presentation. The same way my life felt destroyed too. My friend helped me through my break up process and while he would give me the reasons and tell me the ways to break up this is what I would say to him, that I have a slideshow of pictures in my mind with him in it at every each slide and each picture. How to I erase that? So my friend would tell me to just crop that picture and put some one else's face in its place. This way I would n't have to remove the slides and destroy my presentation of life all together. Though I understood what my friend had to say but as easy as it sounds , it was tremendous amount of work. I had to mentally prepare myself first and then start with the cropping process.
But as they say human brain is full of surprises. And my brain surprised me too. It did what I commanded it to do but also went a little too far. I was just supposed to just remove the face from the picture, but my brain removed the whole picture from each slide. And all that was left in my slideshow of life was me alone. I still had a plan but with just me in it. The break up made me hate the idea of loving someone. I didn't wanted to get married any more. I didn't want to have kids any more. I started running away from love. I started running away from people. I turned off my feelings of care and affection. Nothing excited me. World became materialistic to me. Friends became contacts and
I started seeking happiness in Prada's and Gucci's. Thank fully my childhood dream stayed with me and all I cared was to fulfill my dream. Career meant everything to me now. I stopped contacting my family members too and started working towards my goal. I started feeling that my life is perfect now. Nobody was there to bother me. I wouldn't have to long to see someone. I felt happiness but at the same time I felt something was missing from my life. Soon I realized that I was thinking too much which turned me into an insomniac and led me to depression. There were times when i wanted to give up on life. Life felt like a 1000 pounds load that was carrying on my shoulders.
Even though I removed my bf form the plan , my bf couldn't do the same. He has always loved me and he still loved me. When I was busy pushing people away he was still trying to pull me towards him. He did everything to get me back. He showed loved, he showed anger, he displayed his fear of losing me. He tried really hard to get back with me. And you know what they say, if god has a plan in mind he would never let humans alter it. Guess god has planned my life even before I could and probably he didn't like the idea of me cropping my bf away from my life. So he made me meet him again.
For some explainable reasons I decided to get back to my bf. God's wish was fulfilled! But what about me? i had a new life plan now and there was no space for him in that plan. Even though i was back with him, i wasn't happy. he tried everything to make me happy but it was like i found problems in everything he did. I became so mean and cranky. All I did was shout at him all the time.our relationship was no more the same. And it is still that way.
I am honestly trying my best to improve my relationship and make it work like before but for some reason my brain wouldn't let me undo the presentation of life that i have in my mind. Times heals everything , therefore i have left all this to time. I hope my belief in God would make everything alright.
All I have learnt from my experience so far is , don't plan your far future and don't rely on your plans. Because it hurts a lot when you have to alter those plans.
As a child I could only think of my ultimate career goal. I wanted and still want to be an Astronaut. I imagined myself several times sitting in that space ship and flying to space. Earth was too small for me. I wanted to reach the sky and go even beyond into the endless universe. I could do anything to reach my goal and being a ardent believer in God, I thought I was born to be an Astronaut and god will lead me through this. And so did he, at least so far! Born in a small town in India, I could never possibly imagine myself in US for my Bachelor's studies. I never knew my parents would co operate with me during my struggle to achieve my goal and I would get the opportunity to study in one of the best colleges in the world for Aerospace Engineering.Call it god's grace or my parent's love that bought me to US. Though US proved to me as a bit of a disappointment. Before coming to US I had so many dreams and plans about working for NASA or at least have an internship for NASA till the time I am all prepared to apply for the post of an Astronaut. But on reaching US, I realized that it is not possible to work with NASA until you have a citizen of US. Well, I love my country India and I would never want to give up my Indian citizenship. This caught me into moral dilemma. Meanwhile, my grades started going down. Being a scholarly student all life, this came as a shock to me. I could figure out what could I possibly do to pull up my grades. Also, certain life events which were the result of my pre-planning and God led me depression for a good amount of time.
As you grow up you start wonderful who your soul mate would be. You think of your dream guy/girl and plan the moments you are going to share once you find them. And once you have them, you start planning the rest of your life with them. This is what happened when I met Parth, who I thought was sent by God. I had thought that he is the perfect guy I could ever be with. He meant world to me and the fact that we would have never met if for his friend who liked me and wanted to ask me out and he seeked his helped for that, made me believe that it wasn't a mere coincidence that we met but it was god that wanted us to meet. That is how I was first introduced to him and that is where our story started. We fell in deep love with each other in a very short amount of time. I changed him in many good ways and so did he. when we both were together we needed no one else. we had planned our days hours and even seconds together. I knew he was my soul mate and we were meant to be together. So I planned my whole life with him. I planned my marriage, our kids , our first house, our jobs, us getting old and everything that could possible happen in our lives. Everything was so perfect. But perfection isn't perfect itself! after 4 hours of happy relationship we broke up or I broke up with him.
The break up process was so hard for me because I had never planned my life with him. Taking him out of that plan seemed so impossible to me. When planning a presentation taking a slide or two isn't so difficult but taking all the slides destroys the presentation. The same way my life felt destroyed too. My friend helped me through my break up process and while he would give me the reasons and tell me the ways to break up this is what I would say to him, that I have a slideshow of pictures in my mind with him in it at every each slide and each picture. How to I erase that? So my friend would tell me to just crop that picture and put some one else's face in its place. This way I would n't have to remove the slides and destroy my presentation of life all together. Though I understood what my friend had to say but as easy as it sounds , it was tremendous amount of work. I had to mentally prepare myself first and then start with the cropping process.
But as they say human brain is full of surprises. And my brain surprised me too. It did what I commanded it to do but also went a little too far. I was just supposed to just remove the face from the picture, but my brain removed the whole picture from each slide. And all that was left in my slideshow of life was me alone. I still had a plan but with just me in it. The break up made me hate the idea of loving someone. I didn't wanted to get married any more. I didn't want to have kids any more. I started running away from love. I started running away from people. I turned off my feelings of care and affection. Nothing excited me. World became materialistic to me. Friends became contacts and
I started seeking happiness in Prada's and Gucci's. Thank fully my childhood dream stayed with me and all I cared was to fulfill my dream. Career meant everything to me now. I stopped contacting my family members too and started working towards my goal. I started feeling that my life is perfect now. Nobody was there to bother me. I wouldn't have to long to see someone. I felt happiness but at the same time I felt something was missing from my life. Soon I realized that I was thinking too much which turned me into an insomniac and led me to depression. There were times when i wanted to give up on life. Life felt like a 1000 pounds load that was carrying on my shoulders.
Even though I removed my bf form the plan , my bf couldn't do the same. He has always loved me and he still loved me. When I was busy pushing people away he was still trying to pull me towards him. He did everything to get me back. He showed loved, he showed anger, he displayed his fear of losing me. He tried really hard to get back with me. And you know what they say, if god has a plan in mind he would never let humans alter it. Guess god has planned my life even before I could and probably he didn't like the idea of me cropping my bf away from my life. So he made me meet him again.
For some explainable reasons I decided to get back to my bf. God's wish was fulfilled! But what about me? i had a new life plan now and there was no space for him in that plan. Even though i was back with him, i wasn't happy. he tried everything to make me happy but it was like i found problems in everything he did. I became so mean and cranky. All I did was shout at him all the time.our relationship was no more the same. And it is still that way.
I am honestly trying my best to improve my relationship and make it work like before but for some reason my brain wouldn't let me undo the presentation of life that i have in my mind. Times heals everything , therefore i have left all this to time. I hope my belief in God would make everything alright.
All I have learnt from my experience so far is , don't plan your far future and don't rely on your plans. Because it hurts a lot when you have to alter those plans.
By:
lovetoloveu
Age:
18-21
,
Female
