The Vaseline Jar

I'm not sure where I got the idea that Vaseline is linked to sex lube...

But it probably came as a result of an unfortunate incident in the bathtub when I was a kid. I'm not sure how old I was, but it was pre-puberty.
I had washed myself with soap and somehow (probably after becoming erect) gotten soapsuds in the tip of my penis. It stung.

But never so much as when I tried to pee. It REALLY stung. I loudly complained to my mom, who ran downstairs to consult with my dad. I didn't hear his response, but the answer came back to smear some Vaseline petroleum jelly in the tip to soothe it.  I was told that's what Daddy does.

It worked. Not immediately, but the pain faded. Perhaps it was because it closed air out from the irritated tissues.

Later, when I was older, I found a jar of Vaseline in my mother's nightstand. It didn't register at the time why it was there, but later on, I suspected it was a sex lube.

Even later, when I had read Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, there was a clear warning against using petroleum jelly with latex, rubber or condoms. I never forgot it. But it also clinched it that it could be used as a sex lube, and that's what I thought it was for when I found it.

Sometime after my soap sting, I was learning to **********, and found another jar on the shelf in the bathroom closet. I dipped a finger in it, and used it to lube up my **** in the shower. Now, being a creative guy, I figured out a way to rub my **** on the vinyl shower liner...but it needed lube. I was not going to try soap, but the Vaseline jelly was just right.

I trapped the head of my **** against the plastic liner and slid it back and forth across the liner. It was so intense that I bucked and flinched, and couldn't continue it any more. So I went back and forth in smaller, short swaths, and then I came so intensely that my knees buckled.  I almost fell to the bottom of the tub.

Then, another summers evening, I was up in the bathroom, getting ready to jack off, when my mother called us down to dinner. I had just coated my **** with jelly, but didn't want to waste it, so I just slipped it, still coated, into my undershorts, pulled up my pants, and washed my hands.

I bounded down to supper, and sat in my chair. I attempted to sit still and eat, but the heat was getting to me. I decided that I had to deal with the heat in my pants, so I excused myself and went to the downstairs small bathroom. I dropped my drawers and wiped as much of the jelly off my **** as I could. Then I flushed the evidence away and got dressed again.

When I went back to the kitchen to eat, my mom asked me if everything was OK, and embarrassed, I said yes. Then I realized that I had never gotten up from the table before, and it was a red flag for my mom that something was amiss. I never fessed up.

But I also realized that I might have left some evidence, some finger prints, or a swipe of my finger in the Jar of Vaseline that remained upstairs on the shelf. I worried about it, and resolved never to use my parents' sex lube again.

And I didn't, but I had to warn my girlfriend years later to never use Vaseline as a sex lube. It traps bacteria and eliminates air, making it a risk as a sex lube. This came up again when I read The Joy of Sex the first time.

It always amazes me how many people don't know the risks of Vaseline.
studfinder studfinder
56-60, M
Sep 13, 2012