A Few Words On Dating Married Men

I am not necessarily proud of the fact that I have had many affairs with married men over the years.  My first one started when I was 15 and started messing around with my best friend's 38 y.o.step-father who was married to her crazy alcoholic mother at the time. He wound up divorcing her and I was with him for four years and nearly married him but at the last minute came to my senses and moved to California with my parents who were retiring out here. Even though I was with him I managed to have a couple more affairs with other married men during this time.  It was something I was good at. After I was married it curbed the habit some but I eventually was drawn into yet another affair with a married man..or two.  I was somehow drawn to these situations.  I'm also attracted to older men so many of them happen to be married or otherwise involved.  Part of the attraction for me is the "NSA" aspect because no matter what he might say, and no matter how unhappy he is in his marriage, a married man will most likely not want to leave his wife so you can't set yourself up to fanasize that this is something that could happen.  For me this works. 

Also older men are more experienced and the married ones are sometimes sex-starved so they can be a lot of fun that way.  They can let go with me in a way that they can't with their wives because of the history between them or the issues they're not talking about.

As I get older the married men get older too, and even more skilled and appreciative. I think it's sad that in many cases their wives just aren't into having sex anymore or only on the obligatory birthdays and holidays.  It's sad for both of them.  I know one of my lover's wives was sexually abused as a child and she didn't want to go to therapy or marriage counselling or work on it in any way and just didn't want to have sex anymore  period and he was supposed to just be ok with that. When I met him he was 65 and we had a year-long hot sweet affair until his wife found out about us and threatened to divorce him and turn his grandkids against him etc and my question is why?  Why all the drama and discord when SHE didn't want to "do" him.  I was actually doing her a favor, he's happy and taken care of, she gets the benefit of a happy satsfied man and doesn't have to lift a finger. It's not fair that he should never get to have sex again just cuz she doesn't want to. Then she gets him back afterwards and has the companionship and financial security of her husband without the fuss and muss.

Anyway, I'm just saying.....people get so worked up about these things.

dreamhntr dreamhntr
41-45, F
37 Responses Feb 4, 2008

I've been wanting to get with this man thats been married for almost 5 years the only difference is that were 18 years apart and it just seems impossible i don't know what to do :(

I had a passionate affair for over a year with a much younger woman. I broke it off with her because in the end I felt that she deserved more than I could offer. Your story brought back fond memories. She's married now and back in my life at work. It's so hard not to want to be with her but I have no regret.

I see your article is ages old, but spot on :-))
I realise that I may not find a girl like you, but I shall continue looking and hoping.
Thank you so much for your article.
Peter xxx

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to gear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at workitcasting@gmail.com

I feel the same way. I am having an affair with an older man but just by 10 years. He is more experience and passionate than guys my age and younger.
I have had a few affairs and never felt guilty about it and would read up on certain books about how that is not "normal" but neither is being married and never having sex with the person!
So kudos to you and what you do.... :)

I agree with what you are saying on married men.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way at a young age. Really need to talk to someone about these things.

I am on the path of getting my needs fulfilled externally. The 4 - 5 times a year and under her terms has become too much. I'm going to be 50 and in the best shape of my life. I've been told that I out sex rank my wife now. I've been married for 28yrs and have never been with anyone else. And, because of that, there are many simple joys of sex that I've never experienced because my wife considers them "disgusting". I am taking hold of my life and seeking out what I desire. I don't want to leave my wife. In my path to seeing my desires externally, I started learning the art of sensual massages and how to satisfy a woman with must my hands and fingers. My path has taken me as far as massaging women sensually, erotically, and giving them multiple ******* along the way. What's surprising is that they continue to come back for more. My wife does not know what she's missing.

I know, I'm in the same situation. Going to be 60 soon and I'm lucky if I have sex 5 times a year AND my wife is prudish to boot. Don't know how much longer I can hold out.

It never fails to amaze me how so many women selfishly and cruelly define a man's love as his being willing to sacrifice the fulfillment of his normal, human needs, and then claim to be the victim when he seeks fulfillment elsewhere. To me, it's simple. If you love someone, their needs matter. If a man's needs don't matter to you, you don't love him. If you don't love him, and are obviously just using him, then you don't deserve loyalty or faithfulness. When a lover cares more about a married man's needs than his wife does, and delights in play with him while his wife doesn't, the wife demanding her husband to be a sexless, used, and miserable man to prove he loves her reveals how selfish and evil some women can be.

Oh, I wish you were next door in San Diego. MWM, 61, and soooo bored.

I know it's not right but I wish I could meet a woman like you. I can't even get my wife to french kiss me. Pretty sad to be my age and have no idea what it's like to french kiss.

I'm a sex starved married man. My wife has no sex drive or passion to speak of which is how I found EP. One night in a fit of desperation I typed into the search engine "I live in a sexless marriage" and here I am. Not proud of it but such is life. On the positive side, I get to see that I'm not alone and that really does help at times. I still have miserably lonely, passionless nights but misery loves company.

Addd me to your circle? Where are you? Maybe I can help.

Yup! I agree with you..cheers!

Works for me. My wife gives it up MAYBE 4x a year. Then it's like she wants to get it over with. I am 51 still relatively handsome, above normal it that area down there. I gladly perform oral on her and get maybe an occassional moan. Most time I **********. Just being. Honest,

I hear you, I'm in the exact same boat.

Want to get married?

My wife seems to not desire it at all. Our anniversary is coming up and I'm going to bring this up. Ironically, I think that I shouldn't have to.

I was angry but didn't know what to do. At the end, I forgave her. I can't trust her anymore.

My wife cheated on me twice with two different men.

Can we get together because I'm also married.

The other woman gains great insight on the men they're involved with and men in general. Most of us will never learn what you just shared.

I agree.. infact id say a lot of free sprited people ..get married under some sort of social pressure .. more women out there should think like u .. .. <br />
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Best wishes

mmmmm why can't I meet a woman like you?

Marriage is friendship, companionship AND sexuality. When the sex goes, eventually the closeness does too and the couple drifts apart. Some are ok with that, others not.

I have never looked at it from that perspective. You speak the truth about women that want the sweet, faithful, loving, and understanding husband...., but won't do the??? (your fantasy here). You are doing a service to the world. Thank you for sharing. Kisses :)

I need advice coz I'm 17 n I really wanna do this married lyk wise he really wants to do me too, so galz do u reckon I shud go for it? Coz wen we together therz chemistry that makes us want to rip each other's clothes off but we can't coz we at church?

that is a great story

I too search out married men...there's just something about them that is huge turn on. Maybe it's the chase and knowing in the end that it's just that.

I have often wondered the exact same things that are being expressed here. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I hope I can use it wisely. lol

i've got a colombian lover who's wife wants NO SEX with him...i have a venezuelan partner who is keeping on track of the fact that i have a colombian sex starved lover,,,my venezuelan is so generous he gives me space for the colombian...but the colombian has run away...i guess its too much for the colombian to realize that in this life...LIFE ACCOUNTS FOR ALL...or you die....so...my venezuelan is my anchor...mi amor...life sucks...we do too...

My wife gave up on intimate encounters over 5 years ago but did tell me it was OK for me to find my release elsewhere but just be discreet. I won't date a married woman if her husband isn't aware of her activities cuz cheating is just too damn hard, especially when there are so many husbands that like their wives playing. Some like to watch us, some like her to date and be returned sated and some like to join in. What I find interesting is that a large majority of these husbands find the "evidence" of her playtime to be an obsession! I've posted a longer EP somewhere on here if your interested in more. Bill in Va.

I think you're missing a vital point MissMASoldier. You can't make a happy man cheat and it's hard to stop an unhappy man from cheating. Dreamhntr said she usually finds men whose wives are forcing them to do without sex (like mine...). Don't blame the women like her for finding this out. Comedian Ron White said it perfectly. "It's hard to keep your dog under the porch if he ain't gettin' petted once in awhile." If it weren't for women like Dreamhntr, the divorce rate in this country would probably be closer to 75% instead of hovering around 50.

it's not an issue of mine, thank god, but i think there's a big difference between foresaking other sexual partners and foresaking other golf partners.

LMAO. Well MissMaSOldier let me see if I can explain. First of all I choose married men and carefully I might add because they are safer. Safer simply meaning that they have a wife and kids and we all know that 99% of men never leave their wives for their lover. I'm not interested in changing my marital status so married men typically fit the bill.<br />
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I would not feel bad at all if my husband cheated on me. I've actually encouraged opening up our marriage he's just too old school to keep the emotional stuff in check. <br />
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You are right, some women kill for their man and will fight someone over them. I have to say though, if a woman is that bothered by their man cheating that they have to risk getting hurt phsyically or possible jail time the woman needs a head check. No man is worth that much of a personal sacrifice. After all is it really worth lowering oneself to the same level that she obviously despises in either their huband or his mistress? <br />
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These are just my thoughts on your comment. I mean no ill will toward you. Major kudos for such a though invoking comment.

You have it down exactly right. Best of luck with the future "Lucky Ones".

This is a woman that creates the spirit of "Life is Good!"<br />
Thanks for making life even more beautiful.....

At 50 now with a history of li'l affairs here and there, it has never affected my marital life. Each time i have an affair it seem to strengthen my bond with my wife - I can't understand how it happens. I hold high respects on my affair partners and they have always been loving to me and my wife - gifts on our birthdays or just Sunday visits or any occasion they can hold as excuse. Damn em all - they are all such lovely people and I love em all.

I could let go with you too. Thank you for the story.

I am a 62 yr old man who also has sexual encounters just as you and I feel the same. Its so exciting.

That is such a good question. It's really hard for me to comprehend why that man's wife would want him to go the rest of his life without sex. <br />
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To me, when you love someone, you want them to have everything they want, even if it has to come from another source.<br />
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To me, wanting to deny sex to your marriage partner just because you can't provide it is incompatible with the notion of loving them and makes a mockery out of the marriage.<br />
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Some people I know I will just never understand!