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A Few Words On Dating Married Men

I am not necessarily proud of the fact that I have had many affairs with married men over the years.  My first one started when I was 15 and started messing around with my best friend's 38 y.o.step-father who was married to her crazy alcoholic mother at the time. He wound up divorcing her and I was with him for four years and nearly married him but at the last minute came to my senses and moved to California with my parents who were retiring out here. Even though I was with him I managed to have a couple more affairs with other married men during this time.  It was something I was good at. After I was married it curbed the habit some but I eventually was drawn into yet another affair with a married man..or two.  I was somehow drawn to these situations.  I'm also attracted to older men so many of them happen to be married or otherwise involved.  Part of the attraction for me is the "NSA" aspect because no matter what he might say, and no matter how unhappy he is in his marriage, a married man will most likely not want to leave his wife so you can't set yourself up to fanasize that this is something that could happen.  For me this works. 

Also older men are more experienced and the married ones are sometimes sex-starved so they can be a lot of fun that way.  They can let go with me in a way that they can't with their wives because of the history between them or the issues they're not talking about.

As I get older the married men get older too, and even more skilled and appreciative. I think it's sad that in many cases their wives just aren't into having sex anymore or only on the obligatory birthdays and holidays.  It's sad for both of them.  I know one of my lover's wives was sexually abused as a child and she didn't want to go to therapy or marriage counselling or work on it in any way and just didn't want to have sex anymore  period and he was supposed to just be ok with that. When I met him he was 65 and we had a year-long hot sweet affair until his wife found out about us and threatened to divorce him and turn his grandkids against him etc and my question is why?  Why all the drama and discord when SHE didn't want to "do" him.  I was actually doing her a favor, he's happy and taken care of, she gets the benefit of a happy satsfied man and doesn't have to lift a finger. It's not fair that he should never get to have sex again just cuz she doesn't want to. Then she gets him back afterwards and has the companionship and financial security of her husband without the fuss and muss.

Anyway, I'm just saying.....people get so worked up about these things.

dreamhntr dreamhntr 41-45, F 40 Responses Feb 4, 2008

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I see your article is ages old, but spot on :-))
I realise that I may not find a girl like you, but I shall continue looking and hoping.
Thank you so much for your article.
Peter xxx

Are you interested in telling your story in a documentary about infidelity? A lot of people would love to gear your point of view! I'd love to discuss the opportunity further. Please email me at workitcasting@gmail.com

I feel the same way. I am having an affair with an older man but just by 10 years. He is more experience and passionate than guys my age and younger.
I have had a few affairs and never felt guilty about it and would read up on certain books about how that is not "normal" but neither is being married and never having sex with the person!
So kudos to you and what you do.... :)

I agree with what you are saying on married men.

It's the danger. Plus married men need some excitement

I thought I was the only one who felt this way at a young age. Really need to talk to someone about these things.

Fascinating! It's not about pride is it now?

I am on the path of getting my needs fulfilled externally. The 4 - 5 times a year and under her terms has become too much. I'm going to be 50 and in the best shape of my life. I've been told that I out sex rank my wife now. I've been married for 28yrs and have never been with anyone else. And, because of that, there are many simple joys of sex that I've never experienced because my wife considers them "disgusting". I am taking hold of my life and seeking out what I desire. I don't want to leave my wife. In my path to seeing my desires externally, I started learning the art of sensual massages and how to satisfy a woman with must my hands and fingers. My path has taken me as far as massaging women sensually, erotically, and giving them multiple ******* along the way. What's surprising is that they continue to come back for more. My wife does not know what she's missing.

I know, I'm in the same situation. Going to be 60 soon and I'm lucky if I have sex 5 times a year AND my wife is prudish to boot. Don't know how much longer I can hold out.

Miss dreamhntr,
I like your mindset. All too often the married man that looks, is marked as an evil doer. There resides inside of each of us a little boy that wants to be accepted and appreciated. When a woman comes along that even slightly appreciates us, our heart skips a beat and that little boy is awash in euphoria. I have had that feeling a few times. I can't help but blush and become light headed. I think the girl thinks I am weird and moves on, but if she wanted to, she could have anything she wanted from me at that point. To continue the affection, I would do anything. Women have a great power over men like me. Some know it, but most are reluctant to use it. An alluring glance, a smile in my direction, just the thought that you might actually like me will send shivers down my spine and turn my legs to rubber. Occasionally I strike up enough nerve to tell the woman I think she is beautiful. Not to try to get her into bed, but just to excuse my awkward behaviour when she is around. The younger ones think I am a dirty old man. The older ones, smile and may say thank-you before they walk off. Fidelity today is entirely in the hands of every "Other Woman" on the planet. It is entirely possible for almost any woman to turn the head of a married man if she wanted to. The wives today are relying on the fact that these other women don't want to have the Scarlet Letter. But there are a precious few that see things as you do, and any man would count himself blessed to meet such a woman.

It never fails to amaze me how so many women selfishly and cruelly define a man's love as his being willing to sacrifice the fulfillment of his normal, human needs, and then claim to be the victim when he seeks fulfillment elsewhere. To me, it's simple. If you love someone, their needs matter. If a man's needs don't matter to you, you don't love him. If you don't love him, and are obviously just using him, then you don't deserve loyalty or faithfulness. When a lover cares more about a married man's needs than his wife does, and delights in play with him while his wife doesn't, the wife demanding her husband to be a sexless, used, and miserable man to prove he loves her reveals how selfish and evil some women can be.

Oh, I wish you were next door in San Diego. MWM, 61, and soooo bored.

I know it's not right but I wish I could meet a woman like you. I can't even get my wife to french kiss me. Pretty sad to be my age and have no idea what it's like to french kiss.

I'm a sex starved married man. My wife has no sex drive or passion to speak of which is how I found EP. One night in a fit of desperation I typed into the search engine "I live in a sexless marriage" and here I am. Not proud of it but such is life. On the positive side, I get to see that I'm not alone and that really does help at times. I still have miserably lonely, passionless nights but misery loves company.

Addd me to your circle? Where are you? Maybe I can help.

Yup! I agree with you..cheers!

Works for me. My wife gives it up MAYBE 4x a year. Then it's like she wants to get it over with. I am 51 still relatively handsome, above normal it that area down there. I gladly perform oral on her and get maybe an occassional moan. Most time I **********. Just being. Honest,

I hear you, I'm in the exact same boat.

As a woman how could you only enjoy sex 4 times a year. ****** aren't up to par and neither are hands. I have to have sex at least 4 times a weeks unless I go insane. Thats including waking up at 4 am every morning to go to the gym. You make time for what you want.

Want to get married?

My wife seems to not desire it at all. Our anniversary is coming up and I'm going to bring this up. Ironically, I think that I shouldn't have to.

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I was angry but didn't know what to do. At the end, I forgave her. I can't trust her anymore.

My wife cheated on me twice with two different men.

Can we get together because I'm also married.

The other woman gains great insight on the men they're involved with and men in general. Most of us will never learn what you just shared.

I agree.. infact id say a lot of free sprited people ..get married under some sort of social pressure .. more women out there should think like u .. .. <br />
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Best wishes

I like the way you think....<br />
Please add me.

mmmmm why can't I meet a woman like you?

Marriage is friendship, companionship AND sexuality. When the sex goes, eventually the closeness does too and the couple drifts apart. Some are ok with that, others not.

I have never looked at it from that perspective. You speak the truth about women that want the sweet, faithful, loving, and understanding husband...., but won't do the??? (your fantasy here). You are doing a service to the world. Thank you for sharing. Kisses :)

I need advice coz I'm 17 n I really wanna do this married lyk wise he really wants to do me too, so galz do u reckon I shud go for it? Coz wen we together therz chemistry that makes us want to rip each other's clothes off but we can't coz we at church?

I agree. It is very sad that their wives do not meet their need for sex and even sadder that their wives do not enjoy the pleasures of sex with their husbands, or at least not frequently enough to keep these married men satisfied. So of course they seek sex elsewhere and who could blame them?<br />
<br />
Everyone has the right to have their basic needs met. Nobody is required to go without sex simply because they are married. Sex is a fundamental core need of humans, much like breathing or eating. It is a fundamental core need for happiness. If their wives do not meet this need, then these poor men will seek out women like me who are more than eager to releive their frustrations.<br />
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I also agree that they return to their marriages less frustrated, more happy and more able to deal with the pressures of their sexless marriages with much clearer heads. Having sex with me basiclally makes them better husbands for their non-sexual wives.

that is a great story

I too search out married men...there's just something about them that is huge turn on. Maybe it's the chase and knowing in the end that it's just that.

I have often wondered the exact same things that are being expressed here. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I hope I can use it wisely. lol

i've got a colombian lover who's wife wants NO SEX with him...i have a venezuelan partner who is keeping on track of the fact that i have a colombian sex starved lover,,,my venezuelan is so generous he gives me space for the colombian...but the colombian has run away...i guess its too much for the colombian to realize that in this life...LIFE ACCOUNTS FOR ALL...or you die....so...my venezuelan is my anchor...mi amor...life sucks...we do too...