It Took 40 Yrs Before I Could Love Me

 I was 40 yrs old and when I learn to love myself I got divorce, I was married for 30 yrs with alot of abuse, bad enough I grew up with it. it was like jumping from the frying pan in to the fire, now how dumb was that . it was either live or die I was walking the fine line of life and death I almost died I was so tired drain and depressed , worthless stupid,ugly ect and couldn't take it any more ,I have 3 kids I love so much I thought to myself I don't want to die, I felt in my heart no one can love and protect my kids like me as i think most parent think the same way, well anyway one day I look a  my kids and everything around me and I realize I was a good loving and caring person and I was't stupid I started to think about everything I done in my life and all the people and kids I helped never looking for anything in return always putting other before me as I done most of my life, then I had to learn to love myself I always had so much love to give but I just didnt know how to love myself and dint know how to receive love except from my kids, it like i Had this big wall around me. When I hit  40 I made a to do list lol I would check off the thing i plan to do. Now I know you must know what was thelast thing I check off my list <-(which took  me five yrs to finish)) I ran away and hit in an other state for 2 yrs not knowing a soul only my kids & 2 sisters knew where i live  . Then I went through the process of learning about my self got a job, it was the  turining point of my life I had to learn on my own what normal life was and it felt good to be free!!

destiny3 destiny3
51-55, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2009

Yes and that is my plan. It may be several years to get where I want to be but I'm going to do it anyway. One degree at a time.

Thank you..Sometime I think People tend to out grow there partners he on one level and you are on the second level, do you know what I mean?<br />
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I was so scared, I have no more fear that one of thing I got rid of lol. I learn to live and I'm enjoying life to the fullest even with the bump in the road. I fall downI get back up and just keep going I got a life to live. I have got my dregree as a computer Tech, you live only once you can't take life for granted, I grown so much and learning all the time I love it. You should let anyone stop you from growing and learning its a life process.<br />
I had one foot out the door for 5 yrs then when the second foot went I was gone and began my new life.<br />
Remember you can do anything you want , you have a dream go for it

God bless you! I am wanting to get away from my husband and start a life. I can be so much better without him trying to hold me down and hold me back. You go girl!