Resuming Meditation

I want to resume practicing meditation daily. A year back I used to meditate daily, sometimes twice a day. Then it got to a point where I became afraid and stopped. The 'inner demon' I am talking about, that is. I guess that's a hurdle every meditation practitioner has to face sooner or later. And because I felt too good in meditation, when I am done with it I felt upset for having to 'come back'. Did I do something wrong? Or was I not properly grounded?

Since stopping meditation, my vibration became lower, I stopped feeling the presence of my guide and angels, which make me feel quite lonely. I still see signs and synchronicities, occasionally I can understand what my higher self is trying to tell me. But my ever ongoing chain of thoughts (more often negative self-talk) prevent me from seeing things as they are. My mind became distant of clarity and plagued by uncertainty.

I still meditate from time to time over the past year. I don't exactly have a pattern or habit, I usually just sit and close my eyes. I prefer doing this after yoga. And of late, every time I meditate, I feel my palms highly charged - they feel numbed and buzzing, as if there are electromagnetic energy on them. One day while listening to solfeggio while closing my eyes, intuitively my palms moved in circles. That's when I felt energy between them. On 11 November 2011, I meditated and discovered this amazing and subtle energy between my palms; I could form an energy ball! I was amazed by what it does. I started seeing color between them, and occasionally, it made my aches better. I've read, from the internet, that this is the color of my aura. I am not too sure. But the color is constant. It's of purple hue.

Meditation is really amazing. Bad part is I feel like I have to start from scratch again. I just hope I don't procrastinate again this time.

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4 Responses Apr 9, 2012

Apr 12, 2012 ... Oct 22, 2014
Yoga, meditation and practice restarted by you?

I wonder if Nov 11 2011 has a relationship to veterans day or the numbers 11-11-11 ?

I've been a regular meditator for over twenty years. I actually went to my first classes in 1985, but it took me another five years to get a daily practice going. Even now I find retreats helpful and its useful to spend time with other people who meditate. I have had experiences which some might call painful. Memories coming into consciousness that I had not fully faced. I didn't actually find these painful myself. It felt more like a release of grief and sadness. I allowed myself to simply feel what I felt; think the thoughts I was having; and remember things I wanted to forget, instead of pushing these experiences away. Good luck with your practice. In my opinion, its worth the effort.

I know what you mean. Ill will is like taking a piece of hot coal to throw at someone, it burns you. Have you tried mettabhavana? There are free audio versions online.

Meditation is really a pain killer.