Paradise LostOnce upon a time in a land far far away...
It was a time of great upheaval in The Republik of Mancunia, the dark wizard- Carlo Ancelotti had raised a grand army and invaded, dark times indeed. Lead by the tyrannical maniac and former red hero Carlos Tevez they layed siege to the grand castle of Old Trafford- which although defended stoically by its wise old king Fergie- would surely fall beneath the constant attacks by these fiendish overpayed demons from the depths of hell.
King Fergie realising the balance of power dangled precariously like a dag from a sheeps arsehole summoned me to his council. "Wayne Rooney, no doubt you realise these are perilous times lad, perilous times indeed!" he warned, "Aye Gaffer" I responded. 'Wayne the time has come, assemble your team, but not just any team, a team capable of destroying the dark wizard and his merciless hordes once and for all! I said 'Aye Gaffer'.
And so it was I put together the most powerful team of super heroes the world and the city of Manchester had ever known- Harold of the rocks, Travis Barker, Boba Fett, C.Thomas Howell-the soul man, Newt Gingrich, Danny Glover and me; Wayne Rooney and together we became...THE SPECIAL PATROL GROUP.
Later that very day I received a surprise phone call from the evil striker Mario Baloteli- 'Oy govna' he mumbled in his heavy Italian accent, 'fancy coming over to my joint for a barbecue and a snifter of brandy tonight' I could hardly believe my luck, 'Aye lad, but only if I can bring a friend or two' said I, ' Sounds ****** delightful gov, see you then'. I'll see you then alright I thought to myself.
So long story short, we all went to his place, drank tonnes and tonnes of lager, set off a **** load of fire works, burnt the blighters house down and a good time was had by all. stay tuned for many more exciting tales of adventure and romance by me Wayne Rooney esq.