Here's My Song. I Need Help On How To Make It Better. Please Review In The Comments.

The numbers are for where the line was cut off (at least in my notes app) and what's in the parenthesis is what's said in the background. First rap so be nice :). Don't judge me becaus elf my age or strong language please. Don't take the first two verses seriously please.
Yo. I gotta make this song. I put up with this **** for years. I gotta rap.

Verse 1:
It feels like a ****** blade
Penetrating the ****** chest
To put you on the ****** ground
To see a ****** forever rest

Man hit me with your ****** best shot
Bet you not ****** daring enough are you
You ain't gonna ****** leave me to rot
Imma ****** get back at you whether its dark or not

You bashed my skull imma break yours
You cut my arm I'm takin yours off
punch ya in the wisdom tooth
And tell ya to get wise , do you get the point *****?

Leave ya round to think
**** thinkin the Sandmans in (****** maniac!!!)
He says its your final nap
Threw you some sand and a gave a zap and then

This is the life story of a bullied child
He who one day went wild
The one said **** you bastard
Your 'bout to get hit hard

Your gonna feel what I went through
And your gonna loose more than one tooth
Ill catch you on the ****** roof
Or the ****** oceans even if I gotta fight off jaws ill find you bully

Verse 2:
Lyrical medical merical
Teariful spiritual ritual
Haha bet you can't 
Rap like that you dirty rat

1.Man people call bullies crazy
2.I'm not crazy I'm psycho
3.**** running with scissors I'm running with saws (Mental psychopath reporting for duty)
4. Ramed you to the ground better than a ****** tricero

Tops, **** grammar I flunked it
But you flunked survival
The minute you ****** with me
Survival of the fitess and your a weak twit

Don't take me the wrong way
Take me the right way
To the weapons shop 
If you got something to say, say it to the opening on the ak (Sorry, Sorry!)


Man, I need to be real for this last verse.

Verse 3:
Alright so we all know bullying a a common subject
Pretty ****** up one too
******* think their better than everyone else
It needs to stop! Does anyone object.

Imagine this, you go to school the first day
Hoping for it to be great
Made fun of for every ****** move I made
Oh it gets better (I need a favor mr N.W.A.)

Didn't let **** get to me
Of only it could be that easy
Every ****** day I was met with torment
Stupid ************* never let up

3 fights, 2 detentions, 5 death threats later
I'm finally away from the ****
Learned to forgive along the way
Man I don't miss them one bit

Chorus x2 (minus last 4 lines on repeat)

Listeners I know what you're going through being bullied. I wish you the best of luck that one day you can get ways from the situation. If only bullying could come to an end.
fire84725 fire84725
13-15, M
4 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Currently working on a much improved version of this song called Who I Am. Not sure when it will be done since I want to finish my horrorcore song True Villains

I like it :)

Just finished the first version of my first horrorcore rap. Not posting it till I rewrite a few times and make sure its good.

Working on a new song right now. Won't post it till its good though and I plan on rewriting it multiple Times to make sure its better than this. Please tell me what I can do to improve on my future songs based on what's here.