I'm Certain I Would Die Without Music And People

At the risk of sounding cliché:  music is a necessary therapy…a language.  Sometimes, the only way I can feel like I’ve expressed myself is by listening to music.  Sometimes, like now, there is nothing that soothes me…besides music (sometimes, not even music works.)  But, sometimes, all I can do is close myself in my room and create a list of songs to play on my computer…songs that fit my mood…it might be the music or the words or the melody, harmonies.  Music tells things.  My therapy menu for these present hours started with “Steal My Kisses,” re-done by Ben Harper, followed by “Back in the Day,” by Erykah Badu; “Summer Breeze,” re-done by Jason Mraz, “Shiver,” by Coldplay, “Gravity,” by John Mayer, “Butterfly,” and, “I Am Not My Hair,” by India Arie.  I wish I could find words to tell what this music says for me right now, in this moment. 

I’m forcing myself to clean out my closet, go through old clothes, wash laundry.  My step son and grand daughter are coming over.  I want to hide.  That’s all I want to do is hide.  I want to soak in a bubble bath for days.  I want to ignore the spinning of the planet.  But, I’ll force myself to hostess them.  I’ll force myself to interact.  Because, without people, are we really alive?  I could move into a cabin on the top of a mountain and never have contact with another living being, human or otherwise…..would I survive?  Would I feel alive? 

I’ll force myself to go on because I know this is only one moment.  And, as I write this sentence, John Mayer starts playing, “Everything is Not Broken.”  I love his music so much.  I feel like I have an intimate, personal relationship with it…like his music is a living, breathing entity.  I like all kinds of music and many different artists but, he’s the one that almost always satisfies whatever mood I’m in.