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Waiting Is So Hard

I've never been good at waiting to hear from someone, whether by phone or text or email.  My soldier is in basic right now and I've been really blessed, he writes me a couple of times a week.  Recently he went on an emergency leave because his poor mother was in the hospital and passed away.  It was the first time in a month we were able to talk on the phone, exchange texts back and forth, and in a way I found those three days more agonizing than when we were only able to communicate through letters.  I am worried about what happens next, how I am going to stand it waiting for him to come online or send me a text or call, at any time of day.  I read how difficult it is on other people's posts and I get sadder and more scared.  We only started dating and though I am head over heels in love with him, we've spent more time apart at this point than we have together... I am thinking that after AIT and his 10 day leave when I will see him again that  we should agree to only email or call once a week, maybe on a specific day of the week, so I am not spending every day waiting to hear from him.  Is that selfish or is that self-care?  I want to be in this for the long haul, I want to be with him in four years when he, god willing, is out of the service. I think about marriage and children, and I have never thought that way about a man before.  But I am afraid that I will sabotage it if I try to stick it out for four years. A friend and former army soldier suggested parting ways and agreeing to reconnect in four years when he gets out ... the idea of not speaking to him again for four years is just as painful.  I don't know what to do, I am sad and nervous.  This is a hard life.  I want to hear more happy endings and how couples made the long-distance communication work... Thanks for listening.

jaxena77 jaxena77 33, F 5 Responses Feb 23, 2010

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Hey, Just to give you all some hope! My husband has been gone twice now, once to Korea for a year and now he is in Iraq and has been gone 3 months, Let me tell you that it does get easier! I had a harder time with him in basic and ait and Korea then I do with him in Iraq. I talk to him all the time. Being a Army wife is not for everyone, it does take a lot of heart ache and a lot of sacrafices. Either you want to do it or you don't. It is a lot of waiting not only for you but for your soldier too. It is all about being strong and supportive no matter what the cost. I used to not believe when people said that It does not get easier.... It does. It is a life style and you adjust. So just keep your heads up. It will all get easier and then two years from now you can give someone else the same advice!<br />
We are all proud.......

Also, if you want some kind of agreement of when he should call you that's completely norma. Just make this as an opinion. And if you love him so much and I know he does too there's no doubt it won't work. sometimes you create your own destiny.

Hi swetie, how are you holding up? honestly, if it's meant to be,it's meant to be. and don't bet yourself up. I know it's very hard. I still cry everyday and my fiancé is in basic for 4 weeks now. I can't say I'm good because most of the time I'm so sad. but I just wanna tell you that, in times like this the best thing to do is to take it one day at a time. we will deal with basic for now, and then ait and then deployment. It's too much if we worry about all of this at once. I know it's hard not too. when this stuff run in my head, I take a deep breath and tell myself, one step at a time. keep your self busy. and Hun everything happens for a reason. prayers will help alot too. if you wanna talk just message me anytime.

i don't think its selfish to want to make it easier. And if you can stick to only talking to him once a week or something when he gets back, you're much stronger than i am. lol But i don't think you should have to part ways and wait four years for him. That would be even harder i think than if you stayed with him and waited the four years. It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend and don't want ot mess things us, and i'm sure he feels the same way. and because you care so much about making it work, i'm pretty sure you will be able to if you stick it out. it will be hard, EXTREAMLY hard, or so i've been told. lol my boyfriend is just at basic right now too. but i'm sure that yall will be able to make it work if you are really dedicated to each other. just don't close yourself up too much trying to protect yourself that you don't let him in, ok? its hard, but you'll get through this. :)

I want to add that I haven't told him how hard it is ... while he is at BCT, I keep my letters supportive and I write every day because he says how much it helps. I was the one who got the red cross message to him that his mom was sick ... I don't mean to sound so selfish in my story ... my fears are very self-centered but I try to keep my actions focused on him and how I can help him get through basic.