The Beginning Feels Like The End ...

I fell in love with my soldier a week before he left for basic.  What was going to be a romantic and sexy fling became something more, especially when we started writing to each other during BCT.  I've written him every day, sometimes twice a day, and he's been amazing, and I get a letter every other day, which considering how tired he is, reveals more about his feelings than any words could.  Though his words are loving, caring and vulnerable too.

I am going to see him graduate in 10 days.  We will have 9 hours together before he has to go back to base and leave for AIT for 15 weeks of job training.  Then we will have maybe a week together ... Some days are good, some days are bad ... today is a little hard, I'm sick and I'm tired and the part of me that wants my old happy life back is screaming for attention and validation.  But I wouldn't change a thing if I could ... he's opened up my heart and raised my standards for how I should let a man treat me. 

I worry about the future, how we can possibly survive four years of longing and waiting, waiting, waiting ... Are the moments of happiness worth the days and weeks of loneliness?  Am I strong enough? Is he? I don't want him to be sad and missing me either.  Would it be either if we said goodbye after AIT and hope to run into each other when he's out of the service? I don't know, and I know this story is like hundreds of others on this site, and millions of others in the world.

My heart and admiration goes to the military spouses, fiances and girlfriends. No one really understands what you go through; I can't even say I do, except that I've had a short glimpse and I am utterly humbled. Anyway, I will be true for tonight, I will write to him and support him, and we'll see what the universe or God (or whatever you want to call it) reveals during our time together at graduation.  I hope that it will be clear that I am meant to be with him. If it's God's will, then I have to trust that He will give me the strength to endure.

My thoughts and prayers are with our men, and all of us missing our soldiers tonight too...

jaxena77 jaxena77
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 15, 2010

Being in a military relationship is not easy and its not for everyone but.You have to decide for yourself if the moments of happiness are worth all the time spent alone. I would say not to make a choice till you see him after basic. Then you will know if the wait was worth it. I know four years seems so long but depending where he is stationed and if you have to ability to go visit it can really be a lot easier than expected. And if not like i said you have to be the one who decides once you see him if it was all worth it. Its not for everyone, but it has its rewards. For example you get to have a second first kiss over and over again. It still feels the same as the first one too.